Still hoping for progress

[daybyday]

Dang guys, I appreciate you weighing in but why such a downer? I know you're just being realistic and what you're saying could very well be true, but my question was not if she already has OM, but rather should my question be posed to her as I stated in my post. I'm realistic, I don't need to constantly be reminded that W may be a WW. But what if she is not? it makes a HUGE difference in how I proceed. I agree that she probably has plan, but what is it? so my question would be then, whats the point of trying to save M. I come to these boards for realistic observation and feedback that may give me some hope. Don't mean to be mean, but I've been really down the last two nights after reading responses to my posts. I dont need smoke blown up my ass but dang......

[daybyday]

Thanks Sparkls for weighing in. I really appreciate it.

[Sparkls]

Thanks Sparkls for weighing in. I really appreciate it.

Of course. I know how hard this is. This whole week just has me sitting squarely in the gutter, feeling miserable and hopeless.
My IC explained best what I've been doing (and I think you're probably doing to). We've been presented with an ink blot of a person. And we're looking for something to make it make sense. We're trying to force logic into an entirely illogical situation.
And no matter what answer we come up with, it won't bring her back or make the pain less. Trust me, I've come up with hundreds of reasons.

If your W wants to move out, I think you let her. Since you have a kid, you at least have to have some contact. Every time you see her, be your best self. Be friendly, but don't push anything. When she's ready, she'll talk to you as long as you're presenting an open, non judgemental, not angry ear. If she is wayward, this will take a lot longer and you have to watch for signs of her cake-eating. But address that when you get there. For now, Just get through the next few days. And then the next. And then the next.

[broke]

Daybyday,

I agree with the others above. Do not bring up any R talk unless she broaches the subject first. It will only push her away and back her into a corner. I see absolutely no benefit to you bringing up that you think she has cheated on you in the past (especially if you would want to reconcile anyway).

Same story as Sparkles - my H went from saying I love you but I am not in love with you, but I don't want a D. The more I pushed all of a sudden the only path he saw was D.

Obviously she is confused. Seems like she is asking for time and space, so you have to give it to her. Then, detach, GAL and do your 180's. Hopefully, she will see that you are a man she should never have left.

[daybyday]

YES Sparkls. Trying to make sense of something that defies logic. Great analogy. I kinda thought it would be pursuing, but like you said just trying to figure it out. It does all come back to detaching. I suc at it horribly. She draws me back when she is caring and my old W, then when she becomes distant again my heart breaks in another place.

I know she is leaving, it is so very hard to watch her pack her stuff and trying to get it all. It seems so permanent.

I have been following your sitch and am hoping for you too. I just fail to have any better advice to give than those who regularly post to you.

I was thinking that when she is out, that it would be easier. I'm not so sure it will and she isnt even gone yet. I am gonna be a wreck Sunday.

[Sparkls]

We're all here for if/when you are a wreck. I've certainly been one this week.
I couldn't sleep in our bed for a week after H moved out. Even now, it doesn't feel right, but its way more comfortable than the couch.
Think of the positives though : at least there are still glimpses of your normal W. (My H is just gone right now. No where to be seen in anything he's doing)
Try and have some friends come over or take you out on Sunday. At the very least, take a walk with yourself and get out into the fresh air.

[daybyday]

Thanks Broke. You're right i know. Just feel everything slipping away slowly and it seems so permanent. I kind of echo Thorntons earlier sentiment about how W was his world. That was how I judged my worth. I thought i had self esteem. Maybe it was completed by W feelings for me when she was in love with me. Now that she is not, i doubt everything about myself and feel like a reject on the trash heap. It also scares me to think that I may Db for who knows how long and her say, Im not coming back. I'm done. I feel old and if I dedicate myself to this for many months or a year, who wants an old man? I am no ogre but I'm no Don Juan either. It also hurts that W is so detached, just like all of our walk aways. I thought when we got married that I overkicked my coverage as my W is Don't very beautiful. At this juncture, she is proof that beauty is skin deep. Then why do I still love her? Old habits are so hard to break.

[daybyday]

I will Sparkls. I will do something with son.

[broke]

Daybyday,

Obviously, you are worth more than who you are married to. The fact that you are on this board trying to save your family and marriage shows that you are a good, loyal man with integrity. Now, you have to set some goals and do some GAL'ing. I am telling you that the worst thing that you can do is sit around with all that hurt and sadness. Honestly, you have to get moving. What did you always want to do that your spouse didn't? Line dancing, scuba diving, etc? Do you have work goals? How about running a 5K? When you are able to get out and do things and see you have a life without W that will help. Also, when you set and meet goals that will help too.

We cannot depend on others to make us happy (my H is doing that with me - he is unhappy, blames me and found an OW). We have to find a way to be happy with ourselves and our partner is there to enhance it IMHO. Make yourself the best version of you there is…..and be the best dad ever. I think that men who are great dads are that much more attractive. You can do this. You are stronger than you think.

[daybyday]

I know you're right Broke. It's my pity party tonight. Sorry. I do know what I should do. You gals and guys words of encouragement are just the right medicine for the "woe is me's".

I need to make new friends as my best bud lives an hour and a half away. It's funny, I was kind of a loner before bomb. Only needed one or two friends. Now I regret not being more social. That would be a huge 180 for me. You folks are great!