Still hoping for progress

[daybyday]

I appreciate your thoughts Vapo, but I am proceeding as if nothing is going on. There quite possibly could be. I am not oblivious to that fact. I have not confirmed EA or PA so for me to act like there is would be counter productive.

[Vapo]

DBD, how can you say nothing is going on? She fired you from the position of her husband!?! I think I know where you are headed, I helped my W move, I even carried a fcucking refrigirator 4 stories up, hoping she'd see my "good" hear and " kindness". Well, she began fcuking another guy not ever a week later.

I am rooting for you DBD, I really am, but please keep your expectations in check, because:

1. She is not going to just snap out of it.

2. If you have expectations of her waking up, you are gravely mistaken. At least a year, and probably more than 2 away.

Sure your situation can be different than mine, but just do not bet the farm on it...

[daybyday]

That's [censored] Vapo that that happened to you it really does.It's a very good possibility that that could happen here too. I know she isn't going to snap out of it. I know how much can happen in time both negatively and positively. One thing I am not quite prepared for is the amount of time this could take if ever. But i cant detach or move on if I am obsessing about possible OM. It will come out eventually if so. I will then act accordingly. Right now, to me, that would probably be a deal breaker as I have been through EA before with her. I will not bet the farm on anything except me and my convictions as a person. Thanks V

[Vapo]

Here rooting for you... Stay strong buddy...

[CWOL]

Don't obsess over OM, but keep your eyes and ears open. Look for signs so you know what's going on. You don't want to show up at a gunfight with knives!

[daybyday]

I came home yesterday and W was in terrible mood. Her and S13 had gotten into a fight over some bad language and the PS3. She was so mad and says " i dont know what his problem is".

I had a talk and firmly told him not to talk to W that way ever again.

But, it amazes me how clueless she is to what might be an underlying cause of his anger. He sees his Mom's stuff packed up all around the house, his world is going to be turned upside down etc. That, really angers me that selfishness blinds these WAW and WW spouses. Take me out of the equation, but don't discount your own selfish actions as a possible cause for future trouble.

I was sad driving home from work yesterday but when I saw her mood, I asked myself as I looked at her "who is this woman sitting on my couch?"


Me-50 W-45
M-24 years
S13
Bomb #1- Jan-2008
Disc. EA
Bomb #2- Jan-2016
Separation 3-12-2016

[daybyday]

I would like some feedback from guys and gals about another scenario I thought of regarding WAW.

I did some bad DBing when sitch first happened and called her cousin just to see if she had any advice. She led off the conversation with "that's too bad.My H cheated on me and I forgave him...so on and so on." She didn't know about D until I called her but the conversation has always stuck in my head. Why would she tell me that? Could be nothing at all but saying that their marriage survived a bad thing and is strong, I don't know.

My thought is what if something happened a while back if not going on now, and WAW feels that she could never tell me for fear of D repercussions or S13 finding out or others? Maybe that she thinks I could never get past it and D is the only answer?

Is that something I could bring up to let her know that we could talk about anything that may have happened? I know she would probably deny if anything did happen, but to reassure that nothing is black and white and we could get through it if it happened.

Let me just say that this is by no means a last ditch effort to keep her from moving out as I am okay with that being the next step in DB, it's just something that came to mind that could possibly prevent her from opening up all the way. Any thoughts please?

[Vapo]

No. It will do no good. And believe me, if she's moving out, then you are out of the picture and there is a good chance there is some one else. Nobody moves out from a reasonable sense of security without a plan, a very well thought out plan.

SO if you believe that your W did some playing around a while back and grew a conscience now and is moving out now because of the guilt because of something happening eons ago, you are sadly mistaken.

You are of course welcome to try.

IMO she is damaged goods, something happened to her while she was young and stunned her emotional development and she is revisiting it and trying to mend her youth. Did she have a traumatic childhood/adolescence?

[CWOL]

I think Vapo is right, your WAW is probably a WW. They always have a plan before moving out.

[Sparkls]

I think asking her anything about R at this point is just going to push her away. If and only if she decides to step up to the R table can you start probing into the idea of there ever being a OM at some point.

As hard as it is (believe me, I'm the same spot!), you just have to let her go and figure her sh*t out. Anything else you do is just going to backfire as it did for me. One day of asking him to stay and we went from "I think I want the same future you do and I want to be there for your graduation" to "I don't love you, I never have, I never wanted any of this."