Where do we go from here Part 2

[TimR]

Now a have a new burning question. Got this text from WW today:

W: "So I don't think we ever really came to a conclusion about wrestling this weekend. I know you had said about him not doing it and I didn't hear anything else from you about it so I'm assuming he isn't wrestling this weekend?"

I mentioned about playing it by ear because of him being sick but why do I feel like I am being bated by this text.

What I would like to respond is

M: "I discussed it with him and he did not give me a yes or a no. At practice he still seems to have a hard time breathing (coughing fits) plus him being sick yesterday, maybe its better not to do it and give him a bit more of a break to heal up. He also said something about spending the night with me sometime over the weekend and having a nerf war or something. I thought he may have already mentioned it to you?"

Any thoughts???

[Thornton]

I dont see the harm in it.

But have ZERO expectations. She might fire back that doesnt want you around S at all.

Make sure you have a plan so you can respond accordingly.

[Rednail]

Tim I think the text seems good. Did you send it?

[TimR]

Thanks Red, I did send it but have not gotten a response yet.

[TimR]

Ok I got a response and I think I did a good job tonight. I am going to provide the entire conversation and you all can weigh in on how I did and what if anything it means (btw I don't think it really means much of anything)

M: "Sorry for the delay. (I waited about four hours before responding to her) I discussed the tournament with him and he did not give me a yes or no. At practice he still seems to have a hard time breathing (coughing fits) plus him being sick yesterday, maybe its better not to do it and give him a bit more of a break to heal up. He also said something about spending the night with me sometime over the weekend and having a nerf war or something. I thought he might have mentioned it to you too?"

W: "hmmm he doesn't cough at home."
W: "Nope he didn't say anything to me about it."
W: "I think I would prefer to say home this weekend. I had a minor surgerical procedure this week and I'm not sure that my healing/recovery is going well so I'd rather not be at a tournament."

S told me about it and friend told me she had a staph infection.

M: Oh man, that's horrible

W: You have no clue. The dr. couldn't numb me for the procedure for reasons I don't fully understand. It was awful. It hurt so bad I literally threw up, my whole body was shaking. Now to think I may need to go through that again... I'm not too happy.

W:But it is what it is. I guess it could always be worse.

M: Oh god you had surgery without being numbed?!? I know how you hate needles! Yeah doesn't make sense why they couldn't numb you.

W: Well it was minor surgery.

W: There was no needles, just a scaple!

M: Scalpel! That makes me cringe just thinking about it. Yikes!

W: I guess because of being an abscess, they can numb around it but bc it's on my ribs apparently there wasn't enough fat for the numbing agents to numb the area... idk but whatever the case was he said he couldn't numb it, I asked him to please try... he was right it didn't work and I felt every cut and squeeze and when he packed it I wanted to die.

M: Holy fuq! I would have run out of the room screaming! And on the ribs, its really tender there. They would have to put me under.

W: He cut into it 3 times and I couldn't take anymore, I got sick. I said for god's sake, I had an 8 pound baby with no pain meds but this is torture!!! I'm in more pain now than I was after my nose surgery.

W: Yeah now that I know how much it hurts I'm very anxious about having to possibly have it done again. Maybe than can at least give me something to calm me down, I don't know.

M: I cant blame you that would definitely be torture and the anticipation probably just as bad. Hopefully at the least they could give you something for anxiety.

M: I still can't get over that you had to go through that.

W: Yeah me neither.... I think about it frequently. It was awful. I was hysterically crying the whole time. I at least thought I would have relief from the pain I've been dealing with after the procedure but that has not been the case.

W: And I'm on really strong antibiotics which make me nauseous.

M: Wow that's awful. I hope everything turns out ok and you don't have to go through that again.

W: Thanks, me to.

So I was proud at my validation tonight. Again though I could think its great she opened up to me but honestly I don't think it was opening up and doesn't really mean anything...

However, since I felt I did good validation I did go to the mall and did some shopping and got some new shirts, shoes and sneakers. I felt a little reward was in order.

Any thoughts??

[Thornton]

I think you did good buddy 😊

It looks like W let her guard down a little bit. She wasn't angry like she has been. Now don't get to ahead of yourself and start blowing up her phone.

Enjoy that interaction for what it is and go back to focusing on you. You'll have more opportunities to continue with some dialog.

And remember, she could flip on you at any minute so be prepared for that too.

Good job Timmy!

[Sparkls]

I agree. I think you did good. The only thing I would say is that I probably would've cut the conversation short earlier. (be the first to leave yadda yadda). Like "wow, that must really be awful. I hope it all goes well. Have a lovely evening." Or something. My brain isn't really on point tonight. I woke up out of a dead sleep at 5am (still dark outside) and couldn't go back to sleep.

[broke]

I agree with Thornton - no expectations or mind reading. I am so glad she wasn't angry! Seems like first calm interaction in a long while so that is good.

Did you get some definitive answers about S13, wrestling and sleepover?

[TimR]

Unfortunately, I did not get an answer about the sleepover. I did tell S he needs to ask her if he wants to stay over. He is afraid of her answer I think. But he needs to learn to be vocal about what he wants. That is a rough lesson in a situation like this. Based upon the conversation we had I would guess she would say yes. However, I could not ask again because I think she would get hostile again. So it will remain up to him at this point.

Thornton, I do know she will and could flip back to anger at anytime. When I sent the first text responding to her, asking about him sleeping over I was actually expecting her to become mean. I was also anticipating her to flip at any time during the conversation. I think the anger could have came at anytime and may have had something to do with my responses. When she said about having no fat in that area. I wanted to make a comment about her body to show I find her attractive still. Instead decided not to and validate. Also I think if I would have asked questions she would have felt I was prying, even though I wanted to, I decided to accept any disclosures she gave and if she did not disclose I would be ok with it.

[Thornton]

I would hold off on the compliments at this point.

Maybe you can approach W about taking S for a day or two so she can rest up from her surgery?