WW hope to reconcile

[J5K]

At this point it is unclear whether we will all be under the same roof. W's feelings are so up and down I am having a hard time reading between the lines. In one sentence she says she will live with them, in the next she says I should.

I am prepared either way. Long term my hope is to be in the new house with the boys and W.

Spoke with DB coach this morning and he stated to continue to be calm and not let her complaining get the best of me. Be chivalrous which attracted her to me.

L is unfiling on Monday. Sent W a text this morning about that and she has not responded. I am hoping she will come back Sunday to take care of boys. We will see where things go.

[sandi2]

But are you prepared to stay under the same roof if she has not changed? It is obvious you would do anything for your kids, however, if she is still playing games and won't behave herself........it will be a miserable situation for you.

We all are pulling for you, Jim. I am just so sorry this has happened to your family. Please keep posting, b/c we care and want to hear from you as often as possible.

[J5K]

Yes I am prepared to stay under the same roof even if she has not changed. I am more prepared now than ever. Continue to act as if and live my life how I want to live it.

She is action driven so I am hoping I would have passed a huge hurdle by moving up there.

[J5K]

Spoke to W today. She stated she is not coming back until she sees the dismissal for the D. I understand her point of view. She should see it by early next week.

At least we are negotiating now.

We spoke calmly to each other which was nice.

A lot of what happens next will depend on offer from work and how I transition.

I explained to her that since a lot of money was wasted on Ls that it would be nice if I could work some OT. I guess we will have to have the discussion and come to an agreement on what weekends I can work so we can recoup some of the money.

Little by little, day by day is all I can ask for.

[sandi2]

I don't feel good about you living under the same roof and her not making any changes, but that's your business. IMHO, it could set a poor relationship role model for five boys. Eventually she will get bolder in her dating, and more disrespectful toward you. If you could see this in one weekend, how much worse will become once her security is set? She has a reason for wanting to see evidence of withdraw of the divorce. That frees her to have the best, without requiring her to make changes.

I did not say this to beat you up, Jim. It just really saddens me to see a man accept the type of unexclusive terms that you, apparently, are willing to do.

[J5K]

Sandi,

I am not saying I will be in the relationship if she is dating. That is a deal breaker for me. I will not stay in the relationship if that is still going on. I am not sure what the right time is to ask her to be transparent about her cutting those relationships off. I can tell you the last time she was here that she was not having any conversations with the person who gave her the necklace.

I have my limits and will clearly define them but I am trying to take stock at the same time and want to ensure this is moving in a positive direction for all of us.

[J5K]

Well we both signed the papers and cancelled the D.

Still waiting for transfer. We spoke on the phone today. 4 weeks and no response from HR on when I am moving. Doesn't matter anyway since this morning she stated that she does not want to be with me. Yet we are still married. None of this makes sense to me. I am angry again because I thought that reconciling was going to be working on saving the marriage. No longer the case based on her comments this morning. It is to fix me.

I think she still feels that I am not moving up there.

She broke my heart again this morning and I tried as best as I could not to get emotional. I am tired of the roller coaster ride and now feel I am back to square 1 with the actions that I took and did not take. Could have easily had all the kids stay with me until they are 18 and had her be the part time mom. Now the tables are turned and cannot read between the lines at all on what she really wants.

I am a fool.

[Squiggy]

So....ready to start DBing yet?

If yes, go read through all your posts again for feedback and start implementing them.

I hate to say it, but this is what we were warning you about. I truly do feel sorry that you had to experience this.

[broke]

I am confused - the D is off, but there is no reconciliation hope according to her. What have you tried with regards to DB'ing? Detaching, 180's, or GAL'ing? I am not sure what to post or if I can encourage you or be of any help…..Seems like it would be a bad time to move though if the situation is so fluid….

[CWOL]

Jim,
How hard would it be to put the divorce back on? It appears that your WAW wants to have it both ways, stay M but not together with you.
As Sandi said, you need to make sure she's willing to commit to the marriage before you invest yourself in reconciliation.