Looking for a Spark in the dark 3

[NYGal]

Sparks, it's still SO early! You're only one month in. Wait. At least until next Monday. I found that W would spend the weekend with ow (grrrrrr...) then miss me by Monday.

Everyone says to me don't contact her, it is pursuing!! But I just sent her a coffee cup emoticon. She's out of town (which I already knew) and she wrote back "I'm out of town. Maybe next week?" I wrote "I was delivering it to you in bed!" and she sent back the little smiley face with the red cheeks.
So don't listen to a word I say. I don't follow my own advice. But I did think it would get a sweet response, and I was not disappointed. Will it change anything? Probably not. Will we have coffee next week? Only if she initiates it.

And we're 4 + months from BD, not just one. She's had time to regret some of her decisions. Not enough to come back to me. Yet. But she will.

Your H needs more time to figure it out. Living with ow ALREADY? That's likely to be a big disaster. The day to day becomes real pretty quick. The things she does that annoy him. The things that you do that he loves, and she doesn't do those things? He wasn't "happy" because he's distracted by a homewrecking loser. It won't last. Give him time to feel it. She's nothing compared to you.

[Sparkls]

I have a video of all of my dogs howling that I know he'd get a smile out of. But I won't send it.
Just feels like there's an immense time pressure for something to change. Him saying he's going to move back to Colorado in April, me graduating in May.
I keep trying to tell myself that really, it's only been a week and a half that he's had to really live the day to day (the week after I kicked him out was leading up to a week long trip to CO) I'm trying to find patience but it just feels like everything is slipping away instead. Sigh. I'm still such a mess...

[NYGal]

Where in Colorado?
We're all a mess.
Can you post the video on your FB page and will he see it?

[Sparkls]

It would be Boulder, that's where we're from. And I thought about the FB idea, I just didn't know if it would come across as being manipulative (which I guess technically it is...)

[Sparkls]

But my residency is will be east coast, MI or Wisconsin....

[broke]

I hope you end up matching where you want but MI or WI is close to me :-)

I am all other the place today, too, Sparkles. Feels like one moment I feel strong and think the detaching is bound to work. The next moment I feel ridiculous because it has been almost 8 months and he has never once given me any reason to hope he wants to reconcile (and has left OW). And this dreary rain is not helping.

But, stay strong….I did everything DB says not to do and it definitely did not work. It pushed him away and he dug his heels in. So, it seems like trying the opposite it the best course of action for those of us that want to attempt to fix our M. The hardest part is remembering to really focus on ourselves, making ourselves the best version we can be without worrying about the WAS. That is where I need to refocus today.

Keep going….IMHO, you are doing great.

[NYGal]

Sparks, find me on FB.

[Sparkls]

Lol and how am I supposed to find you?

[Sparkls]

Was telling a classmate a very abreviated version of what's going on and my god, I should be so much madder than I am. Like, seriously? I leave the house to give you space and you bring the other f*cking woman to my home?! Who the eff does that?!
I wish the anger stayed. It's easier to handle than the overwhelming sadness. If it wasn't such a huge line of communication for me, I would just kill my FB. It only ever brings me misery

[TimR]

I agree sparkls angry is easier to deal with than sadness. You can focus anger, but sadness keeps you out of focus.

BTW I agree who the F soils the marital bed with someone else. Also what type of slut can also have sex in another woman's bed?

My only advice is to vent here and breath, we are all here for you. Also read Tl2's last post on his thread. It was somewhat relieving for me.