Yeah, I think I hit rock bottom. I am looking through the garbage can for a used tampon for crying out loud! I thought that getting it tested would give me peace of mind, but the truth is it won't. What if she used a condom? What if she didn't do anything that night, but did the week before that? What if she just gave him oral sex? The questions as well as the possibilities are endless. The truth is every second I waste thinking about her, is a second that I'm not thinking about me. I am better than looking through the garbage, I am better than waking up at 12am wondering where she is. I NEED TO FOCUS ON ME. Otherwise I'm proving her right. I'm not worth being with if I'm looking through trash. I'm not worth being with if I don't think I'm important enough to think about. I need to value me before she or anyone ever will. It has to be genuine too. Women are very intuitive and will pick up on pretending to not care. I don't care, I can't care because I can't control it and trying to will drive me crazy. I NEED TO LET HER GO. She wants space, she can have it, she needs it, she needs to heal and she needs to decide for herself what that looks like. I wouldn't want her to decide what healing looks like for me, why should I decide what it looks like for her?
