I just don't get anything about this control stuff. I need to know if your H would force you to do anything you don't want to do?
If you say he would or he did, then it is control. If he was just helping around, then he may be seeing all what you are doing by yourself and now has a sick child.
Maybe it was his way to help a little. Red, your M had some dinamics and is it possible your H was doing some things if you guys were still married?
This guy is confused. I don't excuse hin and his actions, but the pain is not only for the LBS. The ones walking away also carry a lot of pain.
This man had a family and then lost his way because a woman put herself right in his face. Is that a reason to forget what his part was? No. But neither is a reason to crucify him.
You told us Red, that you could be better, that you could look better, that you just let go and was not yourself anymore.
Once this nightmare started, your H saw the butterfly slowly come out of the coccum. She is beautiful, she has strenght, she is an amazing mom, she looks good, she is smart, independent...and on, and on.
Now, this guy is confused. He should be happy, but he isn't. He should be looking foward, but he isn't.
Instead, he got himself into a huge turmoil. Yes, he may be with the scum bag sometimes, but sex is not everything, and after awhile it evaporates.
Red, from the bottom of your heart, tell me what is your take on this. You know this man and what he is capable. What he did sounds like manipulation or control?
Or it is a curious George trying to figure it out what is going on with you? And yes, he may be checking the temperature, but that does not make him an evil person.
If he is so bad, controlling, manipulative, evil... why do you want him?
I just think that it is up to you to stay firm, strong, set your boundaries (the ones you can really keep). Keep being independent, charming, positive, confident, secretive...
Keep your healthy distance, keep the changes in a consistent way. Do your GAL, stay the curse.
This is a marathon, not a sprint. Your H will behave arratic because its all very crazy right now. He got himself into a big trouble, he is not very sure of anything, his feelings are probably changing every day.
You want to have a chance to have him to come back to you, then keep the DBimg. Don't bother yourself analyzing his behavior. Fix you, better yourself, keep your distance and see what happens. Baby steps, a little every day.
You can do it Red. Pay attention to everything. Be alert. Measure your progress. Try a tecnique, if it takes you to cheeseless tunels, then change it.
Red, believe in yourself and believe that circumstances change. You are becoming a person only a fool would leave. Maybe with time your H will realize he doesn't want to be a fool.
