Looking for a Spark in the dark 3

[NYGal]

Cry your heart out, drink some wine, watch bad reality TV... Except for the TV, since I NO LONGER HAVE ONE... Grrrr... That's my life! It's not a bad life, it's just not the life I imagined or the life I had.

Spark, again, be patient. This completely stinks right now. I know, believe me. We must have patience and believe that it gets better. I can attest that, yes, it gets better. Then it crashes down again and it bites. Big time. But then it gets better for a little while... And still I cry every single day on my way from work. 4 months in and I cry every single day. This is no way to live.

So what do we do? We look in the mirror and try to love the person we see. I just watched a YouTube video about marrying ourselves. I'm the person who always gives 110% to any relationship. Why? To be loved. It's time to love ourselves. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting closer. Heck, we don't have any other choice.

I have days when I feel hopeless. On more days, like today, I am overcome with this feeling that this is all some big mistake, that this was NOT supposed to happen. That W and I ARE NOT DONE. She's still in my heart and my soul. I don't know where I am in her life, but I'm not letting go. We belong together. She may not realize that until I've moved on, but she will. People think I'm naive, and I may be. But they don't know my R with W like I do, like we do. I know too many couples who have found their way back together. I intend to do the same. God help us all.