My first post - please be nice.

[CWOL]

Getting the book right now will be kind of difficult. Because for right now we are still sharing a bank account and seeing money come out for a "Divorce Busting" book may raise a few questions.

Shouldn't be a problem, order from Amazon like me, it just shows up on your statement as Amazon. Better yet, go to a bookstore and buy it, no trace there!

The book is important in that it gives you DB in a coherent manner. Reading the concepts on this website is difficult at best, because there are many different strategies presented between Detaching and Going Dark. The book lays them out in a clearer fashion.

[Cristy]

Hi Collin,

If you haven't already, don't send that email. No need to pursue, she knows how you feel and what is going on.

Have you checked your local library for Divorce Remedy? Buying it at the local bookstore is good too.

Your GAL plan the weekend she is moving out is good. You certainly will need a distraction. She isn't expecting you to help her move, is she?

The best advice I can give you is to call a Divorce Busting Coach today. Many of your online friends will agree that Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best advice on how to save your marriage and keep your family together. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Pink17]

Hi Collin,

First - stop postponing and bye that DR or DB right now. You are giving excuses and it is time for your actions. You are a grown up man that can get some cash or buy from amazon as mentioned above.

Second - I didn't want to be there for my XH moving out, but eventually I was. And I helped a little. I just told him that I did not agree, but that I respected his decision.

It's up to you. Just remember that being her friend is better then being her enemy or a stranger.

It's not the end if you start getting yourself in a better place. Yes it is hard and some days you want to find a very deep hole and hide in there.

But it does not help at all to despair. Stand up, grab God's hand and start looking into yourself. List what you like and keep it, list what you can work on and change, list what is totally bad and work to break those habits.

It's hard work and it takes time. You are in shock, your emotions are all over the place. It helps if you get into some counseling, just for yourself. Look for someone pro marriage so he will help you to get better with a purpose that you want.

If you feel like you can't function, then talk to your doctor, get some mild AD just to break the edge and make you function in your normal life.

Help yourself first. It's not going away very easy, it's the focus you put in yourself and your purpose that will make you feel better.

Right now, doing nothing is actually doing a lot for your R. It feels it's not productive, but in reality it's the best you can do.

Start small, like how do you look? Do you like your hair, your size, your clothing style? If not, change.

What are your hobbies, if you don't have one, look into something you like. Get busy.

Next time I stop here, I wish I can see a list of your goals. If you get confused, write here and we will help you.

Most importantly, do not beg, talk too much, complain, be needy. Just stay strong in front of her, validate her decision, wish her the best, tell her that if she needs anything, she can call you.

The point here is that she will be a little confused with your reaction, then with time you will show persistence with your changes and maybe she will become curious and will try to find out what is going on.

Believe that the process can work. It will make you a better person, even if your W never comes back. You will be thankful you gave yourself a chance to learn and become a better guy for someone else.

Wish you the best,
Pink

[Tyler12]

You are getting good advice here Collin. Please use it.

The only thing I want to add is do what you can to get some good sleep. It's hard. I was there as was a lot of people here. You need a solid sleep. Also try and eat properly. It helps keep your mind fresh and you don't faulter as much.

[collin]

it was weird. i was sitting on the porch when she got home this afternoon. she sat down and we talked. not about the relationship, but about what's going to happen with the foster dogs. i know she still wants to move out 'to find her happy' or whatever it is she's wanting to move out for. but, at least things are cordial between us. so i guess i should be thankful for that. i guess i shouldn't worry about trying to have my cake and eat it too. just be thankful for the cake.

[Pink17]

Hi Collin,

Just checking how you are doing. Post here, you will feel better sharing the load.

Hope you are well as you can be.

Pink

[collin]

So. Last night wife asked if we could have emotionless, no-strings-attached sex. I told her I couldn't do that because I did have feelings. We didn't do anything (granted it wasn't easy). But she says she is still moving out and nothing has changed. I didn't want to muddy the waters or set myself up for more heart ache.

Is this typical of a WAS? Or has mine just gone crazy?

I just don't understand how at a time like this she could even ask.

[collin]

Today has been one of the hardest days in the past week or so. I thought I was coming to terms with it but I guess I was just fooling myself.

[Sparkls]

As someone who's had a rough week too, just keep taking it a day at a time. These waves come and go.
Good job telling her no though! Set those boundaries. If she's going to walk away, she doesn't get anything from you. If she's going to effectively dump you as her H, she gets none of the benefits of your company. She has to experience that loss fully. She has this idea in her head of how much better it'll be when she's gone. It seldom is and when that reality hits her like a cold bucket of water, then she may change and start committing to you again. Until them, remain strong. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.

[Stormchaser]

Collin, are you sure there isn't another guy involved?