Seems like several of the wives are so angry and they are the ones that are leaving. I would try to stick to acting "as if", detaching and GAL'ing. Don't return her anger, try to validate and "as if". Walk away if she insists on bringing you into an angry confrontation. Keep DB'ing - Don't worry about the "scary" stuff (seems just part of the justification for affair and a focus for her anger).
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I agree Broke that this is part of the process, I didn't get this information from her. I have only seen her for a few minutes when I picked up the kids on Saturday. I have stayed clear as and only had little contact about the kids.
Keep it up….sounds like that is the best strategy. She really does have to justify her A and her anger. Seems like a weird reason but I got a new one almost weekly. Good luck
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Nothing specific, she doesn't mention him to anyone. He was at her place when she moved her stuff out of the house according to our friend that helped her. I think he is potentially driving this 'scared of me' crap. He said because I tried to punch him when i went to his place and found her there. If i would have 'tried' i would have succeeded, lets put it that way.
Look, my WW used the same excuses, "Just a friend, etc." I didn't tell her how I knew about her restarting the EA, but I showed her emails to some friends and nobody can deny they are more than friends, even though it seems to be just an EA.
She tried to put the responsibility on me but those who saw the emails knew the truth. So she finally had to own up to the fact that she did me wrong.
This is probably not DB but it was important for me to get the truth out there. I'm sure you have the same "gut" feeling as me and eventually you will have to tackle this issue. In my opinion, it is very different if there is an OM involved compared to if she were just frustrated with you. When my WW was frustrated with me, she sought out OM. Nothing really happened for many years until HE got divorced and started playing her.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Hi Cwol, I do agree that it is at least an EA. I don't know if if has become more but she has created a connection to him. I believe this is why she has a different story to friends and family that are not living nearby and those that are here and know more of what she has done.
This weekend is the first weekend the W has the kids. We only have one car and W wanted to share it. As I have been re-finding myself and becoming the man I was before while improving my faults, I had said to her that I didn't feel sharing the car was going to work and that if she felt she needed one to get herself a second car. My normal kind and considerate self in this situation has thought of leaving her the car for the weekend for the sake of the kids, I know she doesn't really deserve kindness but I want to be a good role model for my kids and make it easier on them. I had thought of just leaving it at her place early Saturday morning with a note saying I needed back for Monday morning. I am mostly planning on working on my house this weekend and I can find another way to go out on Saturday night liked I planned. However, if I do this, am I being a fool and making her decision to leave the family easier? I guess I feel if she was a WAW I would but for a WW I should not.
I know she needs to face the reality of her decisons and I have done many things for her that she is now complaining that she didn't want me to do so much. That she wanted to be involved but for years but said she didn't like doing. I want to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see but don't want to be seen to be weak and giving into her wants. I find it's such a complex balance. She has not asked about the car in several weeks but has told her family that I'm being difficult about it. Any thoughts welcome.
Looks like W has stooped low enough to use the kids, she has changed rules we always had to make her apartment more appealing. More joy in this process!!!
This weekend is the first weekend the W has the kids. We only have one car and W wanted to share it. As I have been re-finding myself and becoming the man I was before while improving my faults, I had said to her that I didn't feel sharing the car was going to work and that if she felt she needed one to get herself a second car. My normal kind and considerate self in this situation has thought of leaving her the car for the weekend for the sake of the kids, I know she doesn't really deserve kindness but I want to be a good role model for my kids and make it easier on them. I had thought of just leaving it at her place early Saturday morning with a note saying I needed back for Monday morning. I am mostly planning on working on my house this weekend and I can find another way to go out on Saturday night liked I planned. However, if I do this, am I being a fool and making her decision to leave the family easier? I guess I feel if she was a WAW I would but for a WW I should not.
I'll defer to the veterans on your question. But I'll give you a similar story. My WW was telling me her leaving me was all about "finding herself." Etc. etc. After 3 weeks of no turning around, I told our friends about her EA. She got livid with me and told me she's done with me. A week later she was hit in her parking lot. Guess who she called first? Of course, I was using advice from another forum and trying to nice myself away from D. I helped her set up her repair appointment, drove the car there for her, and got the rental car set up.
After all is said and done, she was not appreciative in the least. I think this is what distinguishes a WW versus a WAW. Later on when we got into an argument (which I should not have, not DB and I should have detached, but that was before I found this site). I brought this example up as her dependency and how I'm trying to help her. Do you know what she told me? "I never asked for your help, I could have done it myself!"
So the moral of the story is you should just let her deal with the situation herself. Don't do anything to help her leave your family.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
I guess the further question to that is should I sell it, get myself something else and give her half the money to go get her own. Or is this again helping her leave the family
