Hope things are going hunky dory for you and the kids. Sorry I've been AWOL. I've been doing my perpetual move for the past 2 months and I just seem to be devoid of energy to do much of anything lately. But the end is in sight...
Anyway.
Quote:
It's like he pokes me because he wants me to fix things but he doesn't even ask if I'm feeling all right.
You realize that guys aren't wired to ask about feelings, right? It's like wishing your cat could bark. Have you ever read What Could He Be Thinking? It's a fabulous insight to how men think, and it's written by a man. I think you'd be doing yourself and your NG a huge favor by absorbing the material. It's an eye opener.
Now for the reality check. NG is not the male character in a romance novel. He's not perfect, and he comes to your table with his baggage and you with yours. You have anxiety issues and he's moody. Accept what is and move on. Or if you can't accept something, it's time to ask for changes (which he might not be able or willing to deliver).
Considering I have anxiety issues that drive my family members nuts, I overlook that my XH and my D22 are moody people. You just have to learn how to let them work through whatever puts them in a moody place. Just like they shouldn't need to figure out why we're feeling anxious. I will say that I do have a line that I bring to their attention: I let them know that when they cross that line, it's not okay to get on my case because they're in a funk. And guess what? They don't hesitate to call ME on the carpet when I do the same.
Life is all about compromising. Not one of us is perfect. Nobody can fill all our needs. That's why it's super important to be vigilant on our own path of self enlightenment and change, *especially* when we're in a R with someone else.
So maybe next time you can just realize that you're feeling under the weather and tell him, "You know what? Right now I'm feeling lousy, and that tends to make me get into some dark places, so it's probably the best thing for me to devote my energy to getting better physically and mentally. Can we talk in a couple days?"
BUT... I will say that what you are observing just might be the tip of the iceberg. Learn how to pay attention to those red flags. If he's not the kind of man who can give you what you want, you might have to make a decision down the road. But I will reiterate that most men I know aren't really good at what you want in a partner, MB. If they can't fix something, they tend to avoid the problem altogether. They just want you to feel better and get back to normal. So it's up to you to teach him how you would like him to respond. Be specific. Ask for what you want. If he doesn't know what you want, it's a little tough to expect him to give it to you.
On the other hand, if he's not willing to try, that might be the most telling thing. Just know it works both ways. He might surprise you with a challenge of his own.
Hope you're feeling better!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
