I got some news from my ex today. The Russian Tramp's fiancée visa was approved. She now has three months to get over here, and then three months from when she arrives for them to get married. He seems to strangely ambivalent about it, with a whole list of reasons why it might not be a good idea for RT to come, so I asked him if he isn't excited, and he said nope
My poor S30's reaction to the news was to just shake his head and walk away. The Karma Bus seems to be headed for Long Island.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Well, she'll be here before you know it. It's going to get very interesting to see just how this plays out. If your xh thinks his life was miserable before, just you wait and see how it will be w/her hounding him day in and day out for that marriage license and ring on her finger.
The karma bus better keep right on going thru Long Island and right into the ocean.
I'm very sorry that you and your family had to hear this news.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
They will live on fermented oatmeal forever and a day! LOL!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think that he sort of expects HER to support him. He told me that she has $300,000 saved up, but maybe she meant rubles, which would not be the same thing at all! And he said that she can get a job as an accountant here, which is what she does in Russia. Except that she speaks little English, they use a different accounting system, and she will not be certified here. He told me all of this with a straight face.
He does have his 401K from back when he used to work 20 years ago, and is old enough to start drawing from it, and also to draw early social security retirement, but contributing financially to his marriage has not really been his M.O. for many many years.
The whole conversation was sort of surreal. First he said that RT should feel very guilty about leaving her elderly mother alone in Moscow, even though she has arranged for a care taker to live with her and an adult granddaughter looks in on her a couple of times a week. It was as if he was trying to make RT feel guilty.
Then he said that RT is a city girl, and wants to move somewhere that is built up and hot. Tampa to be exact. Well who wouldn't after living in Moscow.
The ex said he only knows NY, and wants to live out here in rural Long Island, but RT is afraid of animals like mice and deer and squirrels, and ticks and other insects, and hates being isolated and hates the country. So what does he do....shows me a listing for a beat up old house about 5 or 6 miles from where I live, deep in the woods, that he is thinking of buying with money from his 401k.
That should go over really well.
A very wise friend told me that he thinks my ex is passive-aggressively trying to sabotage the wedding before it even happens! Or keep it from happening. The whole thing just boggles my mind.
Remember Job, you used to always say to pull up a lawn chair and some pop corn, and watch the show. This is sort of like watching a train wreck!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
No, not a train wreck, but a comedy. I do think he's doing everything he possible can (PA behavior) to sabotage her staying here or marrying her.
I think I'm going to make a triple batch of popcorn. We are all going to need it to get thru this show.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Are they going to be on that reality show? I forget the name, but there's a reality tv show about just this - people coming on a fiancee visa, they follow them until they marry (or don't). The one time I saw it I kept trying to guess which ones were just trying to get a green card - some were VERY obvious.
Oh gosh, I'll be interested to see how the - house in the woods versus city pad in the sun debate works out. It doesn't sound as though 'happily ever after' will be the outcome here. It does make me wonder why she even wants to come if she has plenty of cash, a good job and family who need support nearby. Why trek halfway round the world to be with a guy who seems a little.....hmm, reluctant - IDK.
It does have an air of an interesting reality TV show and I guess things will unfold as they shall. It's good that you're sounding great anyway & take care xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Checking in! Things are going great with me, my boys, grandkids, and my new guy. Not so new actually now, we've been "courting" for 2 years next month (doesn't that sound sweet and old fashioned, but it is exactly how he makes me feel, as if he is romantically pursuing me, and I, of course, let myself get caught )
My S43 (!!! how did that happen LOL) and his wife just bought an awesome old farmhouse with a couple of acres, so he can expand his chicken-raising hobby. It's so cute; the original house was built in 1800 and the owners seemed to have tacked on rooms here and there as the need came up. S30 and his girlfriend still live here with me and it's fun to have them around. My law practice is doing better than last year, and I just applied for and got a one-twelve-hour-shift-per-week day job in the ER; I've been working one or two nights per week for the past ten years, and am sort of tired of it. I've been spending a lot of time with new guy's kids, and I like them so much, and think they like me too. I met his ex and she is as nuts as mine, so we're sort of even!
My life is busy and happy. It's frigging amazing and I am so grateful that after being a broken-hearted mess for years and years, one day something clicked inside me and I gave ex an ultimatum - Russian Tramp or me. And who'd of thunk it, but I'm grateful he chose the Russian!
Originally Posted By: Job
your xh thinks his life was miserable before, just you wait and see how it will be w/her hounding him day in and day out for that marriage license and ring on her finger.
Holy cow Job, did you ever hit the nail on the head with this prediction! RT arrived about 3 weeks ago, and ex and RT have been living in his elderly mom's attic!
He still contacts me at least once a week, and says exactly what you predicted Job; RT is hounding him day and night to get the marriage license and to get their own place!
He constantly tells me stuff that either makes me shake my head in amazement, or laugh, or both. The latest is he sent me an email letting me know he'd used my eBay account to buy her a wedding ring. Why my account I reasonably asked (I really need to change all my passwords....) Well he told me that RT wanted a 3-tone gold ring with Russian diamonds, and he bought a 3-tone gold ring with zirconiums, and that she is going to be pissed if she finds out LOL oh my....
The comedy goes on!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I love seeing everything fall in to place and watching you and NG getting to experience what you didn't have in your M's. Being able to court eachother and enjoy eachother's families is such a fantastic thing to experience.
Congrats on the practice and trimming down to one shift in ER. You certainly earned it!
And I am positively sure NG's kids really love you. No doubting that.
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