I read up on your situation and have a few comments you should think about:
1) I am not the most religious person granted. But I would suggest you leave religion out of this as well as poetry. Each one has his own way of dealing with adversity but your problem will only be solved by you with your head screwed on straight.
2) Why is it that when men are BD their idea of GAL and detaching is focusing on kids, cleaning the house and going to the gym? Sandi wrote previously on another post that interaction was more important. I also believe that. How you interact with your W is more important than how you interact with kids or how clean you leave the house. If you did have a bad relation with your kids then by all means work on that but for your R with them not to get W back. As for house cleaning or staying at home I dont think when your W looks at you she will judge you on how clean the fridge is.
3) Most of the LBH that have been called controlling and jealous by their wives generally are. It is true about not believing all that they say nor what they do. However on this do take note. You do have that pattern.
4) Your irregular thoughts and actions are also textbook if you read enough posts. I too went through the phases of wanting to do anything to get them back, act illogically to want to be the one divorcing them. This is you wanting to provoke a reaction, generally because you are not controlling the situation. The situation is following a course and timeline different to what you want so you want to nudge it a bit and as it does not work you frustration creeps in and you jump around to extremes.
5) You need to stop focusing on her and start focusing on yourself. I know you read it a lot here. Do you know what it actually means? You say you have learned and are learning things about yourself? What have you learned? Have you changed your way of thinking? have you adapted to this new knowledge? How has having a WW bring you closer to god? You say it has taught you be a better person and father what about partner?
6) Stop "knowing" this and that. You say you know how this will end but leave many options open, you say you know what your WW wants but you know about not believing their words or actionsand that not even they know what they want (as you say later ... she is a person lost), you then go on to describe someone you assume is your wife and what is going on in her mind when here you are taught to not do that. You know what she feels for the OM. Really how?
7) You intend to love her in sickness and in health but want to facilitate or get a D?
I think you should get back to basics. Stop trying to control the situation or find logic in it. There is none. That is why you have to concentrate on yourself first for your own sake and that of your children.
I thought I knew a lot of things until I realized I did not. The issue was that by stepping a back and letting everything unfold I saw the bigger picture. I was not affected as deeply by her actions. I expected them. I began to anticipate her actions and situations. I stood my ground and stopped trying to control everything. I started setting up the boundaries and controlling my own life.
It seems to be working. I cannot fix her nor make her happy. I believe we are piecing but still let her try and resolve the issues she has. She is still suffering internally, she tries to remedy bad decisions we made in the past. I just stand by in case I can help but my life is still my own.
I see her as what she is. A woman. Like me imperfect and trying to get it together. She no longer is the woman I knew years ago so I am starting to learn about this new person. Discover new things and act accordingly.
You need to accept that your WW is WW and judge her for what she is now and with all the crap that will follow. If she does sleep with OM or not does not matter unless a PA is a deal breaker for you. Your main concern should be you have lost her. You are not in her heart so whatever she does she is doing as an emotionally free person.
