Had a decent day. Work has been incredibly busy so that definitely keeps my mind off of things.
After work, I hit the gym and worked as hard as I could. Feel good to get the blood pumping.
Afterwards however, I fell into a funk. I started thinking about W moving on and meeting someone else. I have no reason to believe this is the case as I am completely pitch black NC. But my mind wandered a little bit and I started spinning.
I was eventually able to slow it down and regain my composure.
I also wonder if I will EVER talk to W again. I feel like she would never be able to face me again.
It would be pretty tragic if we were together 5 years, gone through everything we've gone through, planned our future and accomplished our goal of getting a house together to suddenly never talking again.
I know I have no control over it. But it would really blow me away.
It's hard sometimes to stay in the present. I want to know what my future holds and what it looks like. I miss having a companion and someone to laugh with. W and I were very silly with each other, we really did have a lot of fun together and had tons of inside jokes.
In the meantime, I'll stay on my path. It's lonely and it's all uphill, but I hope I to come out a better man. And I hope I can be a better partner whether that be with W or someone else.
