Where do we go from here Part 2

[TimR]

Thank you for the insight Sparkls. Yeah I cannot force him. He is the type of kid that if you force him he will dig in that much more. He might not officially be mine but I think he might have got that from me.

I will keep taking your advice and talking to him about it and anything else he wants to talk about it. I will be there for him and will bring it up here and there. I intend to talk to him about what my counselor tells me and what I talk about. Maybe he will see me as an example and will be more inclined to go. I hope so, because I can really tell he needs help.

[Sparkls]

You might see if your counselor would let him come in for a session. He might be willing to go if you go together?

[TimR]

That would be tricky and possibly dangerous cause she would freak if she found out. Ugh I am not equipped to deal with this.

[Thornton]

This whole situation is so dicey.

I can only imagine what you are going through. I'm sorry man.

I wish I had some advice I could give you but I just don't know what the right answer is here.

Poor kid is really struggling and his mother couldn't give a damn. I don't get it.

As an outsider looking in and from what you've shared about your W and how you met, she does not seem very stable. Setting her off could trigger a major sh!t storm. And it appears she is not afraid to use her sons as pawns.

I think what this thing boils down to is what is the lesser of two evils? I don't think there is a clear cut answer on what you should do. All your options have pros and cons.

If it were me in your shoes, I think I would sit still for a little while and let my emotions calm down. Hopefully with a little time, you will get some clarity on how to proceed.

[broke]

He is "officially" yours, Tim. In your heart and soul, S13 is yours. Keep talking to him about the counseling. Share your experiences and hopefully it will help him see that it would be beneficial. So sorry that your and S13 are hurting so much. This is probably the hardest part of the whole process - watching your kids hurt so much when another person selfishly walks away without trying.

[TimR]

I forgot to mention, I talked to the attorney from Philly that had the case that went up to the PA Supreme Court. We spent over on hour on the phone talking about the case and talking about well... mine (I may have not divulged that I was my own client). She was telling me based on the facts that I had she felt that a 50/50 shared custody was certainly a good possibility. She also told me she would argue for primary if she were me. After hearing about mom's behavior she told me S should get a custody evaluation done and mom should get a psyche eval done. Unfortunately, the courts up here do not often order psyche evals of the parties. I also think W could bluff her way through one she is a very smart cookie. I still have not decided about going for custody as much as I would like to. It is an extremely risky gamble. If I don't win there is no doubt I will not see him. Or even if I win but not significant time, then that will be all I see him. I don't know if I could forgive myself if he was stripped from my life when I know its the time he needs me the most. I am letting time pass and considering everything, every option.

[Sparkls]

IMO (based on zero experience): She hasn't actively tried to do anything to prevent you from having time with S, has she?
She can talk a big game all she wants, but if it were me, I'd wait until I had something more concrete than her words to actually pull that trigger.
Have it lined up so you can, but don't go nuclear until you've actually seen the weapon of mass destruction, ya know?

[TimR]

I get what you mean and this weekend may give me a clue. But no she only allows me to see him for wrestling. She did not even email me back about March tournaments. I have no clue what is going to happen this weekend but I am going to try and see if he can stay here Friday night. Maybe him and I can do something fun! We will find out what happens and maybe that will guide me what to do.

[1313]

Tim, it sounds like your chances are much better than you originally anticipated, huh? That alone should be a bit of a lift. This isn't all for naught.

Nothing you say is surprising to me - I might be old, but I sure remember my state of mind when I was 16. My parents were divorced, I had a step Father suddenly appear in my life who I resented like hell at first. But more, I felt abandoned by my Mother and really abandoned by my Dad. I was drugged up, and doing some really crazy and dangerous things because I had been left to my own devices.

Unfortunately, that's the age and we both know it. Things happen really fast - and a year or two either age-wise makes all the difference. All you can do is keep letting him know you're there for him. While he might not be availing himself of your help or that of a counselor, rest assured it's not going unnoticed.

Keep reaching out to him, and let him know you're there for him to grab hold of when he decides to. His brother certainly will remind him of that. But you've GOT to make sure that nobody moves you off mark, so that hand isn't there when he finally reaches for it. Sooner or later he's going to grab it. Hang in there, you'll make it.

[TimR]

Thanks 1313. I have been debating about reaching out to S16. He needs me too and I do not want him to think I abandoned him. He is a good kid and needs to know I am there for him. Maybe, at easter I will get him a gift and write him a note.

S13 on the other hand really needs help to and refuses it. I just gotta keep talking to him and letting him know I am there for him.

For either of them I will always be there regardless of how they feel about me, the both of them are still my life.