WW, My Addiction, Patience, and Hope - III

[trumpet]

Pastor and an elder had a talk with us on Sun. night.
I was in Chicago for a couple days on work.
Posting tonight quickly to tell you that pastor and elder both witnessed my wife confess to her EA still, just in a round-a-bout way, but they recognize she is hurting, looks strung-out, and is cold/emotionless with others. Almost as if her soul is supressed.

Pastor also witnessed my wife drive off after talking with me. She is in denial about the EA - she has others now believing it's just a friend, and I'm convinced that the D is just a way for her to reconcile the wrongness of her decisions.

I can't stop the train. I have come to accept what is going to happen.
On the way back from Chicago I had a nice bout of lonliness. I did some prayer, stopped and got some coffee, and I worked through the uncomfortable feelings. Still a little off tonight - my counseling homework on addictions talked about what penalties/damages have my addiction caused, and I had to admit and put pen to paper stating that my marriage is likely done because of my porn addiction. My wife's history and her own demons helped to put us here, and really, if wife wanted to reconcile and worked hard on us, we'd be back to working on things.

I just think it will not end in reconciliation at this time. Continuing to work on myself, but getting to the gym with the new job is proving difficult. My new manager job does seem to be calming down a bit, though.

Wife texted me to 'have a nice time' in Chicago - the first really positive text I have gotten from her in a couple weeks. I just said thanks and moved on.

I'm actually not even home yet - going to pack up and get home, which is about 15 min. away. Trying to get some homework for work and for my addictions group done.

If anyone is still reading my thread, it would make me feel better to hear your opinions. Like I said, was a lonely day today. I'll be better tomorrow, I know... but keep posting. I promise I will.