Just found out 3 weeks ago - happy valentines day!

[Stormchaser]

I know, LiM - my IC thought flowers would be a good idea, because initially when I kicked my W out, I was furious and wanted a D immediately. Several weeks after calming down, the IC said give it a try and let her know you're serious about R.

LiM - where is she staying and how is she paying for it? Only reason I ask is my wife stayed with a friend, and since she's been back home, its a warzone, but she cannot move back with this friend and due to her low income, cannot afford to get a place herself. My IC suggested helping her get a place - I almost fired her on the spot.

Since she's been home, I've been needy and clingy. Never responds to my texts or calls. Today I shut the phone off and used my work phone. On the way home, turned on the phone and got a message from her - "I can't cope anymore". She's been in bed all day. wtf?? I never answered. Usually I'd answer with a dozen texts trying to help. Not today. And not tomorrow.

BUT - things I am doing for me - 5x a week at Planet Fitness. During the separation, I lost about 15 lbs and used that to start running more and keeping in shape. Kept the house in tip top shape. I was pretty busy, and if she moves out again, I have plenty to keep be occupied. I'm not doing ANY of these things for her, I'm doing them for me. The only thing I say "check out those abs" to is the mirror.

She is learning in therapy that boundaries were crossed. I learned my part in it all - how I distanced myself due to extreme work stress, emotional stress - I checked out a few times, and the perfect storm hit. She and I were both checked out at a bad time, the right guy came in and played her just the right way. Not to say she couldn't just say no - she's learning in therapy why it happened and digging up painful childhood memories that have been stuffed for years. Its not easy for either one of us, especially now having to live together and her having to work with the guy. I want her to quit, but that would end her income and trying to find a new job in her field would be next to impossible.

As for the pain - you're right. This is a pain that cuts right into the soul and sometimes I wonder why I'm even trying to R - its still early - you seem to have more time involved, and it looks like your patience is running thin.