Just found out 3 weeks ago - happy valentines day!

[LiM]

LiM here!

Sorry buddy. I know how bad this hurts. I struggle with it EVERY day. Its the most agonizing thing I've ever gone through.

First of all, don't send her flowers. SHE CHEATED ON YOU! She doesn't deserve flowers. You've got to detach. This is the most difficult thing you will do but you have to do it. You have to mentally let her go. Just when I think I've got detachment nailed, I realize I've got more work to do. But you've got to do it for you.
You've done this before. Do it again. Get out there and GAL.
Its unlikely that you are blameless for the problems in your marriage. I know I'm sure as hell not. That doesn't excuse her behavior but you have work to do on yourself. NOT for her but for YOU. Find out what your faults are and start to fix those. Dig deep and be honest with yourself.

On Sunday, my W told me "maybe having an A wasn't the best way to deal with things." Really!? You think!? I guess that's a step better than the last time she told me that she didn't know if she was sorry for the A because she felt it gave her the "strength" to get me to start working on my issues. What a load of crap.
The thing that got me to start working on my issues (and there are plenty) was when she told me that she was considering separation which was BEFORE she started having the affair. The rub is that I heard her when she said she was unhappy and was considering separation. And because I heard her, I DID start working on myself. I started counseling, started working on my relationship with my daughters, started exercising, etc. But she was checked out and didn't even see that I was working to fix my faults because she then went and started having an A.

I'm so sorry you are here but there is an opportunity for you. You have the opportunity to make yourself into a better person and then you can decide if you want her back.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.