Broke I know EXACTLY how you feel..all weekend when he had the kids I got tons of texts and messages then now that hes back without us and the Ow It will be days of silence. It drives me bonkers.
I have to work on my no touching Boundary. It lasted a week then this weekend too many hugs and even today was about 8 before he left.
I also think about the same when my H wants the kids on days he can barely see them before bed.
You nailed it, Red. I am convinced that when he is with the OW that is when he never texts the boys. And, there are men on this board who want more time with their kids and are fighting for custody. It's frustrating….okay, end of venting :-).
Thank you for the kind words, Red, much appreciated. And, good for you to know when you aren't enforcing your boundaries and knowing to learn and fix it in the future. You are doing great!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Ditto! You are a doll and I miss you when you are missing from the boards (like all day today :-). You are always so positive and I value your input. Your partner is such a fool - I know we aren't perfect in our relationships, but she really didn't give you a chance to show her what you were capable of in a healthy partnership. I hope she realizes what she is missing now, but, if she doesn't, you will find someone that will appreciate you for who you really are. And, you have grown leaps and bounds in the short time since she left. I am amazed at your growth - your are truly rocking your GAL'ing and 180's.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
So, is is only 2:30 and already this day has been filled with ups and downs:
- woke up to 3 texts from H (up because he is making contact, however, down because it is mostly to remind me how to parent or to find fault with my parenting)
- got to GAL with S15 because he had a day off from school - went to golf on a gorgeous day (up)
- when I picked up S15 from his dad's house, H came out to the car to chat with me about evening plans even though it wasn't necessary (up)
- S15 told me he suggested that we all play together (me, H and S15) because H offered to play golf with him, too, before he knew I had invited him to play and H said "that is not going to happen" (down)
- S15 told me that H is using a designer to decorate the new house that he purchased. Things are progressing and they should be moving in about a month (down)
Obviously, I am mind-reading with some of these. However, it is hard to ignore the comment about not going golfing with me and he actually hired a decorator to furnish and get his new house ready. If H had any doubts about divorcing me, why in the world would he spend all that money on a new house? And, if he had doubts, I would think he would take the opportunity to spend time with me and S15 to figure out his feelings.
The last time we had any talks about M a month ago, he told me that it was over, that I shouldn't have any hope and that it was my fault that I had false hope (I did because he invited me to his parent's 50th wedding anniversary and was debating about whether he was going to file for D or not…..he did). Hearing about how his new house is coming along makes me realize that I am holding on to hope for nothing. I think it is time to throw in the towel….forget dropping the rope because I seem to be too dumb to just get over it and move on. Ugh - I just feel stupid because I can't seem to let go of this small amount of hope I had left. There's not much to change right now anyway, I am going to continue to detach because it is the only thing I can do at this point. Hearing S15 talk today just made my heart sink.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Sorry to hear about your horrible day Broke. Seems the more information we get the more it just twists the knife in our guts. I could tell you to detach, continue GALin and drop the rope but you know all that already. What I really want to express to you is this, you have been married 20yrs and together 25. If he can walk away from that on a whim, he can miss you and walk away from a new house that is decorated just as easy. I am here for you and pray for your sitch.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Thank you. I think my husband's whim is a blond attorney 10 years younger than me that works at his office.
It is hard to think that he will ever return after renovating and decorating a new house for himself. Who spends that kind of money if there was even the slightest chance that we could make it work?! I am just dreading when he wants to divide up all the furniture in our current home and move everything that he left here to the new house.
Maybe then my heart will catch up with my head and I will truly know that it is over. Because my head tells me it is over….that my H has moved on with the OW, he filed for D, bought a home and told the boys that he is proceeding with the divorce. I would love for my heart to "catch up" to my head and understand that it is time to throw in the towel, drop the rope, move forward, etc. Did I ever tell you guys that he told me once that I was no longer his first choice or his second choice (that was in February)? That he "didn't need this marriage enough to settle" (August). Or, that he didn't see a future with me anymore… (September) There is so much more but I think I've chosen to block out the rest. I guess it's easy to say those things when you have an OW waiting in the wings for you.
At least I am not crying. I think I am slightly disgusted with myself for taking all the horrible things he dished out and still hoping that we could try to fix our M. Or, maybe I am just numb. And exhausted. Really. Freaking. Exhausted.
The prayers would be appreciated more than anything right now….
And, I know I am going to be okay, I know I am way stronger than I was 8 months ago. I will make it, it won't be easy, my heart is still broken for me and my kids. But, I will be fine, no pity party today. I still have much to be grateful for….my kids, my family, my friends, having the money to make it until I get a job, a nice home in a nice neighborhood, a beautiful sunny day on the golf course with S15, etc. Everything will turn out the way God intends it to be, but I just need to figure out how to shake that last little bit of hope that I was hanging on to….
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
S15 told me that H is using a designer to decorate the new house that he purchased. Things are progressing and they should be moving in about a month (down)
Wait, didn't your H just filed for D? How's he able to buy a new house? Wouldn't he be covered by ATRO?
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
My lawyer knows about the house he purchased and said we would recoup my portion in the settlement. At his moment, it's more about the emotions than finances. I'm sure that will change when my heart finally decides to let go.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
