Now, the real work begins...Part III

[broke]

Tim,

Thank you. I think my husband's whim is a blond attorney 10 years younger than me that works at his office.

It is hard to think that he will ever return after renovating and decorating a new house for himself. Who spends that kind of money if there was even the slightest chance that we could make it work?! I am just dreading when he wants to divide up all the furniture in our current home and move everything that he left here to the new house.

Maybe then my heart will catch up with my head and I will truly know that it is over. Because my head tells me it is over….that my H has moved on with the OW, he filed for D, bought a home and told the boys that he is proceeding with the divorce. I would love for my heart to "catch up" to my head and understand that it is time to throw in the towel, drop the rope, move forward, etc. Did I ever tell you guys that he told me once that I was no longer his first choice or his second choice (that was in February)? That he "didn't need this marriage enough to settle" (August). Or, that he didn't see a future with me anymore… (September) There is so much more but I think I've chosen to block out the rest. I guess it's easy to say those things when you have an OW waiting in the wings for you.

At least I am not crying. I think I am slightly disgusted with myself for taking all the horrible things he dished out and still hoping that we could try to fix our M. Or, maybe I am just numb. And exhausted. Really. Freaking. Exhausted.

The prayers would be appreciated more than anything right now….

And, I know I am going to be okay, I know I am way stronger than I was 8 months ago. I will make it, it won't be easy, my heart is still broken for me and my kids. But, I will be fine, no pity party today. I still have much to be grateful for….my kids, my family, my friends, having the money to make it until I get a job, a nice home in a nice neighborhood, a beautiful sunny day on the golf course with S15, etc. Everything will turn out the way God intends it to be, but I just need to figure out how to shake that last little bit of hope that I was hanging on to….