Screwed up a bit in a more negative way. This past weekend when I said we had people over for dinner and my W danced with me there was something else that happened but I didn't bring up with my W until two days later (last night). One of the couples that were over (were 4 couples there), the husband has a little crush or something on my W. When we went to the Dominican last October he had a few drinks mid-day and was looking my W up and down as she sun bathed. It was a little creepy, he's about 6 years older than us. I didn't say anything at that time as he was just looking so no real harm and saw nothing of that sort since then. Anyway, this weekend, when this same guy (and his W) were leaving, he gave my W a hug but he put his hand on my W butt cheek and patted it a couple of times. I wasn't happy to see that and felt it was disrespectful to both my W and I but I let it go - I didn't want to over react at the time. So I left it for two days and then last night I said to my W "how did you feel about Joe putting his hand on your butt and patting it when you gave him a hug good-bye". She said she didn't notice it which is possible but is a little hard to believe but I wasn't directing this at her. She also said it obviously bothered me but I responded with a question 'does it bother you'. I just wanted to know how she felt about him doing that. She said I don't know how I feel since I don't remember it happening so can't really comment. I felt she was being evasive since I told her already what he did so it didn't matter whether she remembered or not (I didn't want to get into whether she was lying about knowing he did this or not - no way to know), he put his hand in a place where he shouldn't have and that was crossing a line and very inappropriate. Again she said she couldn't comment as she couldn't remember it happening. This frustrated me I must admit. I asked her few more times about but then she just left the room mid-conversation saying she can't deal with this. She came back 10 mins later to use the bathroom in our room and I asked her to finish the conversation. I finally repeated exactly what he did and said it was highly inappropriate and she said well if you say that's what he did than yes it probably was inappropriate. I guess I just don't understand why she would be evasive in acknowledging this. The guy isn't particularly good looking or anythings so it's not like she's interested in him (all the A seekers can move on). Maybe she liked the attention - he is flirty. Anyway, she left mid conversation again and finally came to bed a half hour later and we both went to sleep and did not talk about it any more. I'm so sleep deprived these days and overly emotional I don't know what I'm doing anymore. To me, I couldn't just ignore it, I needed to call it out as he has shown some attention towards my W in the past and if it happens again I want the past issues on record sort of speak. I probably shouldn't have said anything but must admit it really bothered me - I have not been able to get detached obviously. It's hard to ignore something like this - to me, it's not ok and is completely inappropriate and needed to be addressed. Now, that left my W and I back in a funk. Will see what our interaction is like when I get home form work but I don't know if I should act as if nothing happened (nothing really did happen except I didn't like the way she handled my asking her about it. I think I was looking for some understanding from her but it was not there). I won't bring it up again since enough was said last night and the point was made. Again, feel like I've lost all the ground I had gained with my W with this little issue. I think I need some validation from my W. We all need it it would seem.
Just giving it some thought and I think the only thing I can do at this point is act like nothing happened, move on and get back to putting up a strong front. I don't think anything can be gained by me acting pissed off etc. I do feel better for calling it out and getting it off my chest at least but hopefully it did not set me back too far. I have my one on one with the new MC tomorrow night so if I feel it bothering me I can always chat with her about it - sometimes you just need to talk about it with someone.
Question, do you announce to your spouse that you need to spend more time apart if you are planning to really detach?
