Now, the real work begins...Part III

[broke]

So, is is only 2:30 and already this day has been filled with ups and downs:

- woke up to 3 texts from H (up because he is making contact, however, down because it is mostly to remind me how to parent or to find fault with my parenting)

- got to GAL with S15 because he had a day off from school - went to golf on a gorgeous day (up)

- when I picked up S15 from his dad's house, H came out to the car to chat with me about evening plans even though it wasn't necessary (up)

- S15 told me he suggested that we all play together (me, H and S15) because H offered to play golf with him, too, before he knew I had invited him to play and H said "that is not going to happen" (down)

- S15 told me that H is using a designer to decorate the new house that he purchased. Things are progressing and they should be moving in about a month (down)

Obviously, I am mind-reading with some of these. However, it is hard to ignore the comment about not going golfing with me and he actually hired a decorator to furnish and get his new house ready. If H had any doubts about divorcing me, why in the world would he spend all that money on a new house? And, if he had doubts, I would think he would take the opportunity to spend time with me and S15 to figure out his feelings.

The last time we had any talks about M a month ago, he told me that it was over, that I shouldn't have any hope and that it was my fault that I had false hope (I did because he invited me to his parent's 50th wedding anniversary and was debating about whether he was going to file for D or not…..he did). Hearing about how his new house is coming along makes me realize that I am holding on to hope for nothing. I think it is time to throw in the towel….forget dropping the rope because I seem to be too dumb to just get over it and move on. Ugh - I just feel stupid because I can't seem to let go of this small amount of hope I had left. There's not much to change right now anyway, I am going to continue to detach because it is the only thing I can do at this point. Hearing S15 talk today just made my heart sink.