Baby steps

[Painter]

Frustrated today. H has been acting very, very nice for the last few days. I am looking at places to live that I can afford if I get a second job I'm hoping for, because I know Dr Jekyll is just here for a visit. We have openly been discussing the practicalities of a separation, very amicably.

H found out today that he may lose his job. That would make things financially impossible, plus it would send him into an emotional tailspin that he would take out on me (went through this 5 years ago, that was actually the beginning of the end and when he started the friendship with OW). He will find out for sure later in the month. I dread the next few weeks, because I expect him to be yelling and ranting about how I need to find a well-paid, full time job (he already started on the phone).

Unfortunately, I moved very far to marry H, and my skills didn't translate well to this area, plus it's now been many years since I last worked in my field. I stayed home for years to take care of the children and elderly MIL. I have kept my skills fairly updated, but it's hard to demonstrate that to a potential employer. I was lucky to get the part time job I have now, and I can tell that my mental and physical condition makes me less capable than I used to be.

I will pray very hard for H not to be one of the ones to let go... He is the latest hire, but has some unique skills that may protect him.