Just found out 3 weeks ago - happy valentines day!

[Stormchaser]

So yeah, my W of 25 years - busted her through texting. I was totally caught off guard. Yeah, we've been drifting in and out, but always came around. This is NOT atypical behavior from her at all. All those who found out (limited circle) are shocked.

Its a work colleague. On first discovery, she begged, pleaded, SWORE up and down (and I have proof) that there was NO intercourse, just text play and some intimacy (not going into details).

So I kicked her out. She left for two weeks, and I started to file for D. I waited it out a bit, we went into counseling and tried to make it work at home. Then the blame shifting started - it takes two, you're not at fault here...she's in therapy 2x a week now and revealed all her issues with men growing up and how this ONE TIME was the only time it got physical.

Now its odd. She's remorseful, but tired of me snooping. I demanded the phone every day. I know it stopped. She said it actually stopped 6 months ago, and I'm finding about it today.

She said she can't say she loves me because what kind of woman would do this and love her husband? She wants to be truthful. She says in the past, she would feel guilty if she was out with girlfriends and happened to dance with another guy. She wants to know why a married woman would even dance with another guy. All her friends (who were also married) were doing it, but she feels she shouldn't have done that. (I'm not even bothered by that, ironically)

But now, we're at the point where we were home together for a week and now we're having to separate again due to anger on both sides flaring up bad.

We have adult children, and very little to split between us (debt, house, car), nothing big.

That's the short story. I have a VAR and it backs up her story.

But although she's remorseful, she's also very aloof. Stand offish. Not wanting to hold hands, anything like that. I admit, when we got back together, we went right back into sex. (I got STD tested the first day, all clear). Realize that was a mistake, we should've just been anything BUT intimate.

So now, she's moving out (MC recommended at least a month) to see where we stand. I'm not sure, one minute I love this woman and want her to move back in, begged her to come back, the next minute (and I mean minute) I'm yelling at her to get out.

So, I'm sure you've all been down this road before.

I've lost so much weight, that I went to the gym and decided to keep it off and work on myself. Without her around, I have much more free time (both adult children live with me) and we spend a TON of time together.

I'm just curious, what the hell is going thru my wife's head? Why isn't she like wanting to hold hands, snuggle, send me texts? She basically ignores me now...and once she moves out, it'll be worse...

As for the affair, its over. I have proof of it and if any of it got out at work, they'd both be out of jobs, and if she's out of a job, she can't afford to be on her own. VAR confirms she was crying to one of her friends, "that SOB took advantage of me, I can't even stand the sight of him anymore, makes my stomach sick".

Thoughts?