I would agree with Gmum, Jelly and Vanilla IF you were still married and if OM weren't there.

Since OM is there...the damage, hurt and anxiety towards you, outweighs any small benefit such young children would conceivable get from visiting the hospital with you versus just going with their grandma. Actually, they may pick up on your anxiety levels and have more fear about hospitals and the whole situation themselves being with you.

Let them remember you got on your knees and prayed for her with them.

You COULD tell grandma that you prefer the children not be told about and not visit OM since he's the person responsible for breaking up their family ("their" not "your" family). He's not a hero here but rather an interloper and a fool you don't think the kids should be around. Then - release it. You can't control what grandma and mom do or say.

The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!