Too Much Time Is Passing By

[HopeRB]

Thanks Sparkls, Tim and NYGal. It feels good to know I'm not the only person who feels confused and hopeless, and then hopeful and then discouraged and then strong and then yadda, yadda, yadda.

I found it interesting today that b/c I was a in a different environment and so busy at work, I wasn't thinking about my H as much as I would when in my hone state. And this made me think a few things: am I over him and is this what happens when he is traveling and drowns himself in work? Is this why he doesn't think about me or care to know if I'm even breathing? But of course, as soon as I leave work and sit alone, the storm comes out of nowhere and takes over for a few minutes. I'm also very tired and have been drinking alot in the past few days and my body just feels, blah. I'm going to try to workout in a bit, just trying to muster up the energy.

Keep wondering why I haven't heard from H at all since I saw him. Guess seeing me did nothing for him. Kind of feel pathetic even though I know I'm not. But I am such a different person than I was before. Sometimes, I don't even recognize the old B for good and not so good reasons. Just feeling rundown and heartsick.

[TimR]

I know just how bad you are hurting. I feel the pain too. Just a suggestion try not drowning how you feel with drink. You could yourself more problems. I am not a AA guy, but have seen it just ruin some people and wanted to make the suggestion.

[Thornton]

Hey Hope,

Sorry you are hurting.

Remember that the fastest way through the pain is through it. Drinking sure does make us feel good for a little while but it has a rebound effect and prolongs our suffering.

Steer clear and fight the good fight. I know you can do it.

Who knows WTF your H is thinking. It's all speculation at this point. No sense in trying to make sense of it and obsessing.

Get in the gym and really push yourself. Try to lift 5 more pounds or spend an extra 10 minutes on the treadmill. You'll start to gain some much needed confidence.

Hang in there, it hurts now. Self growth usually hurts so take comfort in the fact you will come out of this stronger and wiser.

This isn't your life, just a small chapter. Keep going, it will get better. I promise.

[broke]

Hope,

I am glad you had a busy day being distracted at work, but I am so sorry you aren't feeling great tonight. Heartsick is really the perfect word for how we all feel, isn't it? I know everyone says this but don't mind read - it really makes me crazy and I am sure it does for you, too. You did so well over the weekend GAL'ing and, now, you have an opportunity to focus outside of the city that you were looking forward to. Can you do something fun there? Maybe take a yoga class? Usually there is a first time special. Or maybe find a park to do a short hike or bike ride? I usually get a lift from being outside or doing a workout. I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[HopeRB]

You're right guys. And I'm learning there alot of ways to be social without having a drink when I'm feeling a bit discouraged - which is what gets me even more depressed.

I guess I'm just so overwhelmed and still in shock by the whole thing and all that I have to do to get back on my feet. Yes, I try to consistently keep a positive mental attitude, yes I have hope in God and trust Him. It would be so nice if my H called just to hear my voice, tell me he misses me. Since the day he left, I feel like he hasn't looked back at all. I mean, I'm a human being. And he acts like this is mutual. Again, this is not mutual, this is a person abandoning someone.

And I can't stop wondering how long it's going to be until I have children and get to start a family of my own, with or without H. It's now 8 months, shouldn't I be over it by now?

[broke]

Hope,

I have been at this for 8 months, too, and I am not healed. I read somewhere that it can take 2-5 year to be truly healed. Of course, we are told it gets easier with time, but we are still right in the middle of it, so it doesn't seem like it will ever get any better.

Keeping a positive mental attitude takes work, too. All of this takes work - detaching, 180's and GAL'ing. It isn't easy, but I think it is our only option to keep us moving in the right direction. You are having a bump in the road - it is to be expected.

And, while it seems like H flipped a switch and is over you, I am sure that isn't the case. I truly believe that WAS are just trying to fill their emptiness up with all the wrong things. You are trying to improve yourself and fill yourself up with all the right things, which is why this takes a long time and it is painful. But, you will be prepared for your next relationship with or without H.

You seemed like you had a good weekend. I am hopeful that you will have a better day tomorrow. You can do this Hope - I know you can. One step at a time.

[Sparkls]

Just a different perspective to maybe give you some hope back:
Maybe the reason he hasn't contacted you is *because* it did something to him. That he's confused and questioning himself and doesn't want to talk to the source of his confusion?

One of those pesky errors in thinking that vanilla posted on one of our threads (Red maybe?) is catastrophizing. That's what you're doing. I'm just a guilty of it. We both have to stop. My H couldn't make eye contact with me. THere could be a million reasons for that. It's not my job to figure them all out and play pin the emotion on the cheater, ya know?
No mind reading! (said to you and myself)

If you want some ray of hope, go read T0324's story. I've been going through it today. There may just be a light at the end of the very long, dark, scary, uncomfortable tunnel.

[Thornton]

Yes! I was around when TO went through this and I watched her go from complete despair to strength. You both can do this!

[broke]

Oh, I need to read that thread (maybe print it out for future reference :-)!

We can all do this! Just glad we have each other for support when we need it!

Hope - you are stronger than you think!

[daybyday]

Just wanted to say you have my support Hope. Hoping for a better day for you.