-Do something different everyday- watch a new show, try a new hobby, go to a new park, try new exercises etc try to add variety to my life.
-NC unless about the kids which mostly this week might be my sick s3
-apply for cna nursing board test. I start my one secret from H job today!
-BOUNDARIES. BOUNDARIES. BOUNDARIES. I am my worst enemy. I think my do not touch me boundary lasted the longest 5 days. Wednesday I got a quick hug while he was holding the kids and Thursday I got a fist bump I was okay with that. Saturday I had him touching me non stop to the point we were wrestling on the bed because he wanted to see a tattoo I have (I DO NOT HAVE ONE BUT HE IS CONVINCED) on my ribcage or hip. He heard I did and is determined to find it. My only ones on my foot. Then saturday morning at 1:30 am-2 am we just hugged probably the whole time. That was my come over on my way home because he wanted to see my shirt but we just hungout inside the garage with him hugging me and cuddly. That was my rock bottom, wtf am I doing..I can't talk to him while I'm tipsy because I'm not a drinker AT ALL so I guess I just get super loving and touchy.Then sunday about 8 hugs he gave me when he left. It is my own fault because I let him because I just miss hugging-touching him but I have to make it stop again and REALLY make it stop for my sanity.
-Stop putting myself down. One of my guy friends got all emotional talking to me. He said it makes him so sad to see that I have no value in myself because my H has no value in me and that I see myself as worthless. It was true. He also said I have ugly duck syndrome where I think I'm ehh or ugly but I'm really gorgeous. I have tons of people telling me I'm gorgeous or so pretty but I do not see it. I'm working on it. I do feel like discarded garbage even with all these guys chasing me and trying to date me.
I feel detached from H sometimes and then I'll just wonder what they are doing. On a date? Watching tv? Does he have a house key? What does he do when she is in school? It doesn't make me sad to think about it really just annoyed and nosey.
DAY 1 of my under the table job for my old boss AKA THE OW EX MOTHER IN LAW..who is also my H's EX best friends mom. Mmmmmmmm.
