Hello! While I am no stranger to this board it has been sometime since I have been around. W wanted to leave a few years ago because she was raising the kids on her own. After reading DB and doing 180's I can say that the raising of our children is now a 50 - 50 proposition.
The other issue we have was how we would talk about money. This would immediately raise our hackles and we would both be on the defensive. I realized that I was not responsible with money and took a financial literacy course which has helped me immensely. This has helped us communicate, but I would be the first to admit it can sometime cause problems.
When my S14 was diagnosed with Autism my W had a hard time accepting this and was one of the excuses she would use to drink. W beliefs that she is an alcoholic and after going through a few counselors for addiction has found someone that seems to be helping.
In addition to her counselor she also has a number of friends she confides in with her drinking. I have snooped and see no EA or affair or contact with the opposite sex. I realized that I had no experience with this so I joined Al-Anon in an effort to try an understand what she is going through. She has now started to open up about how she is feeling and how she is trying to kick this habit.
On Sunday she did drink and was texting some of her friends. I know that I get nosey when she does this so the next day I was asking her about who she was talking to. W told me she was tired of my accusatory tone and that one of the triggers for her drinking has to do with our marriage. She told me she was unhappy for awhile and is now thinking about leaving while she was at work.
On her way home she had hurt her foot and had to be off her feet for the duration of the night. I could she was in pain so I handled picking up the kids from their sports so she could relax. We also talked about going on vacation for the summer.
This morning she was still in pain so I did as much as I could so she could relax before work. The conversation was ok. My peers in Al Anon have suggested that her behavior is typical when someone is in the early stages of recovery.
At this point I know that I can only control myself and her addiction is her own thing. I will giver her space today (we normally text throughout the day) and see how it goes when she gets home.
I guess I am seeking some assistance in how I can work on improving things with an alcoholic. While I have read countless articles on how difficult recovery is and the affect it has on the spouse there is not much out there on how to improve your marriage. Any help would be appreciated.
