I just don't know what to do. I cycle through a thousand emotions a day. I feel like one minute I've come to terms with the thought of her not being there. Then then next I'm in tears. Then I'm mad. Then I'm like, Ok, well, maybe this is like hitting the marriage pause button and a break will be good for us both.
I look at my wrist and we both got Matthew 19:6 tattoos and each others initials tattooed on our ring finger last year. Now, I'm like...Hello? Remember this? We vowed forever!
I know you shouldn't stay in a marriage over a tattoo, but that was the whole point in us getting the tattoos. Maybe the tattoos are the reason I'm here today. Maybe that was one other thing that lead to my complacency and me thinking I could act like a spoiled brat and she would just stick around. The more I say it, the more of a fool I feel like. I get it, I know why she wants to leave. If I were in her shoes I'd want to leave me too. I just wish she would understand how sorry I am.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
I just don't know what to do. I cycle through a thousand emotions a day. I feel like one minute I've come to terms with the thought of her not being there. Then then next I'm in tears. Then I'm mad. Then I'm like, Ok, well, maybe this is like hitting the marriage pause button and a break will be good for us both.
I look at my wrist and we both got Matthew 19:6 tattoos and each others initials tattooed on our ring finger last year. Now, I'm like...Hello? Remember this? We vowed forever!
I know you shouldn't stay in a marriage over a tattoo, but that was the whole point in us getting the tattoos. Maybe the tattoos are the reason I'm here today. Maybe that was one other thing that lead to my complacency and me thinking I could act like a spoiled brat and she would just stick around. The more I say it, the more of a fool I feel like. I get it, I know why she wants to leave. If I were in her shoes I'd want to leave me too. I just wish she would understand how sorry I am.
I'm in the same boat you are, with my WW moving out imminently (was supposed to be last month, but she's got a legal scheme going).
Have you checked for an Affair/Other Man? Women typically don't "leave" on their own without a target.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
We know you are not staying in the marriage for tattoos….it is just another reason to question why your WAW is doing what she is doing. It was a lifelong commitment, so why is she walking away is really what you are asking (and tattoos are permanent like a marriage should be unless there's abuse or infidelity).
It is very tough - all of us here know how bad the roller coaster ups and downs can be. Keep DB'ing - make your 180 goals and GAL like crazy. It will help you and maybe she will see that she is a fool to leave you.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Can I hire someone to sit on my shoulder and when I open my big mouth say "hey dummy, shut up!". Why did I feel like tonight would be a good night to talk? (Pro tip: it wasn't.)
I guess I subconsciously like an uphill battle and stacking the odds against me. Cause needless to say, I didn't do myself any favors tonight.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Everyone makes mistakes. I hope there was no ultimatum or final decisions made because you can start over again tomorrow. Have you read all the homework, Sandi's rules? Have you purchased the DR book? I think it would be helpful to make sure you have read all of that, figure out your 180's and goals, and start detaching. I am not sure what the conversation was about, but take the mistakes you made tonight and learn from them!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Getting the book right now will be kind of difficult. Because for right now we are still sharing a bank account and seeing money come out for a "Divorce Busting" book may raise a few questions.
I just really don't know how I am supposed to detach while living in the same house for now. This weekend she's going to stay with her grandmother, so I'll be able to actually sit down and read through the info posted about 180's and goals.
Would it even benefit me at all to email/text her and say something like, "Look, sorry about last night. Just right now is a very emotional time for me and I will do a better job at respecting your decision?" I will just keep it short and succinct.
One more question that came out of last night. As the role of the LBH, what is expected of us in their departure? I mean, surely I'm mot expected to help her pack up and move out? That just sounds like backwards logic.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
I am in same boat Collin. WAW is moving out saturday. I am doing a few small things to help but I told her that me and S will not be there as he doesnt need to see his mom moving out. I want to be that helpful guy for her, but it is her decision, time to be a big girl and see if that's indeed what she wants. JMHO
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
For me the book was very helpful. I wouldn't say anything to her about last night - that is forcing more talk about your R and it could end up being a very long conversation that you don't want to have. Learn from last night, make sure to read everything and start fresh DB'ing.
I didn't help my H move out. IMHO I think it is their decision to move, so they should do it. But, I am only a month into DB'ing, so I hope some others weigh in on that.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Thanks for your help Broke. We went and did our taxes last night. We hung out and talked (not about the R). Last night her friend came over and they talked about puppies while I sat in the living room watching TV. It definitely felt like without talking about it, there was less strain/tension in the home.
She still uses words/phrases like "our home" or "my husband" and it just screws with my mind. Because I'm like this is YOUR home and I am YOUR husband, so why in the heck are you doing this?
As far as the church thing. I'm leaning toward still helping out. It will be good to get away from the house during the days that weekend. I'll still be home at nights, but at least during the day I'll be away. Hopefully she'll take care of OUR dogs. I feel like my faith and my marriage were both on cruise control and I was pretty much sleepwalking through both. So I feel like if I were to back out from helping with the youth just so I could sit at home and wallow in my self pity, I'd be falling back into the same old trap. So, as for now, that's my stance. With as cyclical as I have been emotionally here lately, it's liable to change in the next 5 mins.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Collin - sounds like a great GAL activity then. Keep it up, glad you felt like there was less tension and stress. Remember to keep GAL'ing, detaching and not forcing any talk about the R. I am more hopeful for you than my situation because she is saying things like that, so don't push her! Good luck
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
