I have read a lot of websites and several books, and yes, they indicate that in great marriages sex is FAR less of a problem then in troubled marriages. In fact most marital problems will cause sexual problems and vice versa. Dr. Harley has been counseling for over 20 years and openly admits that in 90% of the marriage counseling, he has to teach the husband how to be comunicative to the wife, and to teach the wife how to be the husbands lover.
Quote: My immediate goal at the moment doesn't even have anything to do with sex, it has to do with fundamentally reconnecting with my wife.
I agree with you 100% on this. I too am trying to reconnect with the wife. In theory, if we meet our wives needs from marriage, then they will in their own way "desire" us, or so say all the experts. People think that I am all about sex, but I am not. What I am all about is "Desire". The first four years I knew my wife she was my "Lover", she had "Desire". I would be very happy on most days to get affection, not sex! But affection and sex go hand in hand. If a women loses desire for sex, they quite often avaoid affection as well, since affection might lead to sex, which they are trying to avoid. So to get more affection, she some how has to change her desire for sex. In effect, you can not address one problem without addressing the other.
I have gone through the list of needs in marriage from Dr. Harley's site, and I can safely say that the only needs that I have that can make love bank deposits are sexual fulfillment and affection. If the wife does anything else, she won't be making any deposits. In fact, the only way that I can receive love from her is in some physical way. I have only one goal in life, to spenmd the rest of my life with my lover. I hope that this will be my wife, but if she can not do this, I will have to find someone else. I am not asking my wife to be something she never has been, I am just asking her to be the women I married, and not even 100% of that women. I married a HD women, and I wnat her back. LD/ND is completely unacceptable. I consider this type of marriage to be hell on earth.
