Where do we go from here Part 2

[broke]

Tim,

I am 100% behind your plan to get the assistant coach to call the counselor and get S13 started. Is there any chance he can recommend counseling for S16, too? Are they at the same school? Now, you know why S16 has cut you out of his life - he doesn't want his mom to be even more hard or angry at him. Usually, oldest children are people pleasers and he probably hates to be in any kind of conflict. You are definitely on the right track that S13 (and S16, too) need to be in some kind of counseling ASAP.

Just as an aside, our counselor doesn't share anything with my H or I that my boys share in counseling with him. So, it is a "safe" place for them to show their anger or sadness with us. So, I am not sure that the counselor will be able to share things with your WW about what they say. I just hope that your W will agree to the counseling for them….she seems so angry and worried about who knows about the affair that I am concerned that she may refuse. I will pray that I am wrong.

Of course, S13 can't concentrate on wrestling right now. His world is falling apart. My oldest is a straight A student and his grades have dropped. My youngest won't tell a soul that his parents are splitting up because then it makes it real and he can't sleep most nights. However, make sure S13 knows that you are taking him out of wrestling not as a punishment but to help him address the real issue of the divorce and the issues that come with that. Ask him if it is okay - it may be his only real "escape" and he may lose the only time he gets to see you in the meantime (while there is no formal parenting plan in place).

Our counselor has encouraged my oldest to stand up to his dad (and me to a lesser extent) about what he really needs. I do think it is a good idea to see how the counseling works because S13 may get the courage to tell his mom that he wants you to still be a part of his life. So, the counselor may not be able to tell the WW about exactly what S13 says in the sessions but he may be able to tell him to voice what he wants and maybe he can ask permission to talk to WW if that doesn't work.

That's just my opinion. Again, I am very sorry that you are going through this. It just infuriates me that my H can't text his kids for 3 days when he is presumably with the OW and you want desperately to stay part of your stepsons' lives and you are getting denied that access especially when S13 clearly wants you to be in his life. And, it is obvious that they could use a stable parent right now.