Looking for a Spark in the dark 3

[broke]

Sparkles,

I understand how hard it is to go from contact everyday to nothing. And, I am sure detaching seems counterproductive because it seems like they are slipping away. I begged, pleaded, pursued and sent texts and emails. I created situations to contact him and he wouldn't respond or respond in very cold ways. All I can say is that doing all that caused him to withdraw even more. So, I think the only thing we can try is DB'ing. I think you are really strong and doing great…..the way you handled it when he came over to get his things was really strong. And, remember he didn't take all of his things, he still is your friend on Facebook, there is still some contact there. Now, I don't want you to mind read either way….good or bad but there will be contact. Keep doing what you are doing, so you are ready to be confident and strong for when he does.

[TimR]

Also, when you consider the interaction we have with WS think of how much it hurts us. I have never had a panic attack before in my life but I think I was on the verge of having one today for hours. I felt horrible!

Also think of Thornton who hasn't had ANY contact since separations. Sparkles you are a young woman with such a bright future ahead of you. I know this does not help but it is truth. If a$$hat is too stupid to realize that then he does not deserve you and you are better off feeling that pain now than when you are my age and have kids involved.

[Thornton]

I agree with every one else, you are doing a great job, Sparkly!

I say this all the time but I know it's true... You gotta let him go before he'll ever want to come back.

Let go. Open your hand.

Yes, it hurts like nothing you've ever felt before. But realize it or not, this pain is helping you detach. The human mind/heart can only take so much pain before it starts to say "eff this" and it starts to force you to detach for your own sanity.

Keep going, my friend. We all have your back.

Tim is right, you are still young. You have a promising career ahead of you. If H decides not come back, you will meet a guy that will make H look like child's play and you'll wonder why you pined away so hard for him.

^^^ I know you can't even fathom that in your mind right now but it's true. Right now, you are breaking your addiction to H and it takes time to withdraw.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are evolving whether you realize it or not.

[Sparkls]

I get there a little more every day. I think after next friday, it'll be a little easier since I'll have a future to actively plan for, rather than just a blob of uncertainty.
I want H to be a part of that future but it's my future regardless.
It just makes me sad that he's turned into the very thing he always said he didn't want to be.
His dad did this exact thing to his mom (except with kids) and now, here he is, making the same mistake.
My life has always been if you want something, work for it! fight for it! Don't take no for an answer. And it got me here. Which is both great and terrible.
I'm a month from d-day. I know it's a marathon, I just wish I had a mile marker to show me my progress, ya know?

[Sparkls]

Guys. I need help. I just discovered that he made it so I no longer have access to all of the video games we bought together.

I don't know if I should text him about it, or what...
kind of panicking .

[Sparkls]

I really want to go empty the savings account I still have access to. We're talking hundreds of dollars of video games.

[broke]

Oh, that seems so unfair, Sparkles. I have two sons and I know how expensive those video games are. I know you are supposed to go NC - how important is access to those video games? And, are you sure he hasn't cleaned out the account? It will definitely start a conflict if you go and get that money…..but, IMHO, you are entitled to at least half plus half the video game costs….

[Thornton]

NOPE!

No reactions! You are cool as a cucumber. Don't make it easy for him to walk away, Sparks. He might be baiting you to get a reaction so he say "What a B!tch she is, I'm glad I left her".

It's only video games! Reel it in! Breathe...

You are so far above this, it doesn't even effect you.

Stay the course and make him regret walking away.

[broke]

I agree with Thornton. My post above was my knee-jerk reaction. Getting reimbursed for those games and half the money in your account will just create lots of conflict and justify his reasons for leaving. When my H said he wanted a divorce, I opened up my own checking account, got a safety deposit box, removed his name from my 2 credit cards and got a P.O. Box. He was furious. It definitely did not help our situation. I felt like I was protecting myself and he thought I jumped the gun….I pushed us further off the cliff in his mind. So, to summarize, leave it, he seems to want to create something. Maybe he will reach out and let you know he did it once you don't…..be prepared if he does.

[Sparkls]

I don't think I want to get him back anymore.
And the video games are kind of a big deal. We've spent easily 2 grand on them in the last few years