Too Much Time Is Passing By

[HopeRB]

Thanks Sparkls, Tim and NYGal. It feels good to know I'm not the only person who feels confused and hopeless, and then hopeful and then discouraged and then strong and then yadda, yadda, yadda.

I found it interesting today that b/c I was a in a different environment and so busy at work, I wasn't thinking about my H as much as I would when in my hone state. And this made me think a few things: am I over him and is this what happens when he is traveling and drowns himself in work? Is this why he doesn't think about me or care to know if I'm even breathing? But of course, as soon as I leave work and sit alone, the storm comes out of nowhere and takes over for a few minutes. I'm also very tired and have been drinking alot in the past few days and my body just feels, blah. I'm going to try to workout in a bit, just trying to muster up the energy.

Keep wondering why I haven't heard from H at all since I saw him. Guess seeing me did nothing for him. Kind of feel pathetic even though I know I'm not. But I am such a different person than I was before. Sometimes, I don't even recognize the old B for good and not so good reasons. Just feeling rundown and heartsick.