The coach says don't talk about the future and it's hard to show her I'm getting a life if I don't start planing for a future. So agreed step one keep her close, step two keep up the GAL, fitness, planning family activities with the kids and getting her to participate (which she often does). What is Step three ?
That depends on who is giving you the steps. Is that something your coach is doing, or are you the one naming step one, two, and wondering what # 3 is? Also, if I may suggest that you need to notice when we are giving our personal opinion or if it is something out of MWD's book. Okay? I also noticed you referred to various things as the rules, but they aren't. Not picking on you, just trying to help you from possibly being confused. (Or, maybe it's just me that's confused).
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Like I said I need practical ideas that show her I'm GAL and the kids and I will be fine without her.
I'm not sure how you would show her you will be fine without her, and at the same time you're trying to get her to participate in activities you've planned. Did your coach advise you to include her in your plans?
Getting a life is an expression. It means to find things to do you enjoy (that does not include your W). You can do this without planning your future, can't you? What do you like to do in your spare time? Do you like sport activities, have a hobby, hang out with buddies, shoot pool, rock climb, go to a concert, whatever is your taste. Explore new things, and step outside your comfort zone a little bit. This is you having a life that does not depend upon her. See what I mean? Don't find excuses, like saying you are the homey type, or everything you like includes family. That is b.s. and being a co-dependent man who doesn't want to get away from his W. Make yourself get away from that house. Want her to notice you GAL? Then GAL while she is home keeping the kids! She'll notice. Want to be mysterious? Don't tell her everything about you GAL. Don't lie, but don't give details. Be vague in your answers.
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But, its all becoming regular - I need practical ideas on how to "disrupt" her and keep her guessing.
What do you mean by "it's all becoming regular? What do you mean by how to disrupt her?
You said you had not been a good H. Going from zero to a hundred overnight may prove to be a bit much for her. Think about it. She sees the two of you as separated.....and now you become this super husband. Some H's discover that the W resents the fact she waited 20 yrs for him to wake up, and it took her being completely done with the M, before he started trying. She will probably have doubts at how authentic his new behavior really is, or how long it will last.
I think you need to mentally prepare yourself not to fold if she doesn't always respond the way you hoped. In fact, it's better not to have any expectations from her.
For now, read other threads (be sure to read those on Cadet's list) and learn as much about DBing as you can. IMO, that is one of the most important steps.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Also, if I may suggest that you need to notice when we are giving our personal opinion or if it is something out of MWD's book. Okay? I also noticed you referred to various things as the rules, but they aren't. Not picking on you, just trying to help you from possibly being confused. (Or, maybe it's just me that's confused). 
