Getting out of in house S (8)

[otw]

you need to let your emotions calm down. We were trying to let you know the only thing you can do is manage the backlash of moving back. give yourself some time and space. stop making comments about filing and fighting.
you have to let her deal with her feelings and thoughts.

You should have read sands rules about 100 times before going back.

[pinn]

does jb= vise?? If not, maybe this stuff should go on his thread?? I am lost...

[otw]

It is not and I agree.

[Jb9140]

Sorry. Is there away to put a link to my thread

[vise82]

Hey Jb9140,

Sorry your going through this, I have been there, with the anger. OTW is right read sandis rules. You have to stop the arguing at all cost. Physically remove your self if needed to avoid the arguments.

As for a link, start a new thread first and then a link can be posted here if you want.

As for me,

Things have been moving with the house, First day it was listed we received an offer, this is were it went south.

It was a strong offer we talked about it, and countered, they counted back. We had an open house that W was working on and she had all this interest in the house. she wanted full asking price.

This is what I don't get. I was pushing to take the offer, she like in the past heard what I said and just did what she wanted to do. Some reason she wanted to let this offer go and do the open houses thinking she would get a full price offer. It became about the money. She in the negotiations lied to the people about another offer on the table and then lied about not being able to reach me to extend the deadline. this is her character showing.

She has lost the reason for selling, to Separate, not to make money. I did voice my concerns but I regretfully did not push hard enough, like most big decision's I thought she was an agent before she knows what she is doing. It was a risk to let the offer go, she knew the best offer is the one you have now.

The open house is done and we have no offer. Ok I take some responsibility for it. I didn't push harder, but part of me doesn't even want this so hard to push for it.

So after I talk with her and remind her why we are selling, we need to take the next best offer.

SO W starts to get worried that the house will sell and she wont have a place to go to and starts saying she can just stay at her parents house for a while. I was thinking she could just stay at my new place. But I STFU it is her problem.

With the whole offer letting go thing it made me question what she wants, if she wanted out of the MR, why not just take that offer instead of holding off for 6 thousand dollars? She was all about the money. I don't want to put too much detail here about it but it was like I was in the twilight zone. It didn't make sense. And because I have a place lined up I need the place to sell now.

This is slowly turning into the night mare I was wishing it wouldn't. By agreeing to do the S W way it is putting us in such a place of risk all to save money from the Lawyers. I am accepting that risk by going with it.

I will just end it there, I am sure it will work out.

So that is where it stands, I have locked in my place, W is going to lock into her place tomorrow, and then mean while the house is still for sale.

[vise82]

Hey,

So about me, I had the kids for most of the Weekend, It was great, to spend so much time with them. I took them to Dog training and they helped me out with that then took them to a park and had a great time there. The Dog training is done now.
This was a GAL thing. Not sure how to fill it now.

Also had soccer, this is ending also, now with me getting a new house on my own not sure I want to play soccer anymore. I have indicated that I was interested in playing summer soccer but with having the kids every other weekend and with getting a new house sorted. I don't know, It is only one hour on a Sunday. I am guessing the advice will be to keep playing.

I have been chipping away at fixing stuff at the house we are selling. I was able to STFU on Saturday night W left to meet her girl friend and didn't come home until 2:00 AM. She left the house at 4:00, missed having dinner with kids and didn't call to talk to them before bed.

So I have been doing better, accepting the reality of the MR is ending and still hoping for the best. Really a lot of feeling better is knowing where I will be going after the house sells.

W wants me to put the listing on my work internal buy and sell, but I have not told anyone at work yet. Don't really want to at this point. I am struggling with that.

[Vapo]

If you do not want to put up the add at work, don't. Show her there are some balls still left. Don't be struggling...

[pinn]

If it were me, I would not put it up at work. Like vap says, it comes down to what you want to do.

I never told anyone at my work what I was going through, except for my boss. He had to know. The damn baby showers are driving me crazy though.

[vise82]

Yeah I an not going to post it at my work, I dont want people to know. I just feel so sad about it like I failed. I know I shouldn't care what people think but this is not me, I never thought I would be one of those divorced people. I am not divorced yet but you know what I mean.

I guess I am not ready to tell people yet. I will get there eventually but right now its not the time.

At an old job before this one everyone knew were expecting a baby, W was at the work Christmas party showing. Then the worst happened and due to complications we lost the baby. The reaction at work very uncomfortable. I couldn't stand it. The looks or no looks, people not knowing what to say to me. It was a constant reminder everyday as I tried to work. I ended up taking a new job and I think part of why I left that job was the tragedy of losing that baby. I got a fresh start and no one knew about the loss at my new job. I was able to move on.

For a couple of weeks I think I am ready to tell co workers then sadness just fills me and I think I am not ready to say anything yet about the separation.

The house is listed on a national website so I am sure they might know but no one has asked me about it. It has allowed me to deal with it in my own way. Allowing me to concentrate on my work, to just put aside the S and just do what I need to do at work.

[vise82]

Hey,

I was tired yesterday, picked up kids from school, let them play outside with the neighbor hood kids. The guy across the street came home and walked down the street somewhere. My kids said hi to him. Every time I see him I want to say something like , hey see the for sale sign you must be happy, or how is my W doing? or how does it feel to help tear a family apart? I want to paint home wreaker on his driveway.

Soon the house will be sold and I will be moving, about five block away. Looking forward to the day I don't have to look at his house ever again.

W worked late and she came home after I fed the kids, She is sitting there messaging away to who know , someonw, then out of the blue she says I have two wedding to go to next month, her brothers and some other girls name.

I never heard of this other girl, so I asked who is that? she said its a girl from her Weight loss group. I didn't say anything more.

Needless to say hearing that hurt me a little. Here I go again with realization that she will be going with out me. Her brothers wedding is bothering me. My kids are going to be in the wedding party, my W will be in the wedding party, and I wasn't even invited. It makes me want to not go to any of there family events, Easter is coming up, I have a choice to do Easter with W side of the family with the kids but how can I? The S is one thing, ok that's between me and my W and how we handle it that's up to us but to not be invited to a wedding that has nothing to do with us. It just seems wrong. And then to say I can go to there Easter dinner? I don't get it. Do I just cut them off? Not go to one thing they invite me to?

I am sure they must have left it up to my W if I was invited to the wedding. When we were married, we invited both sides of divorced couples, maybe they were not at the same table but if they had kids that were there we invited them.

It just bothers me because we do so much together right now, its like she doesn't want me there so her extended family cant see that part of us right now. I mean from the outside it might look like why are they separating?

I am not going to say anything about it. Just leave it as is, not my choice but it just stings a little. If it was my choice I would want to be there, its memories that of my kids that I wont be part of now.

The time line with the house is almost to the one year mark being separated, I will have to see if W just goes for D right now, I mean the lawyer is working on the S then in three months when the house closes, the one year of living S has past and W could file for D.

I don't know where her head is on that. I mean if I am realizing the MR is over, and she is way ahead of me with this. it could be a possibility.

With that said, and we get to separate houses, I am thinking it maybe best to just do holidays separate. I can do my own thing with the kids. I think it would be good for me, for personal growth. Maybe not the best for the kids right now. not sure.