Where I am...

[mahhhty]

Today is her surgery day. Actually, probably already both her and OM have been operated on. It has been on my mind a lot lately.

Last night, with my D5 & S3 we knelt down next to S's bed and prayed for her. This was a tough concept for a 3 & 5 year old, but we did it as if we were talking to a friend but also in a very serious way. I prayed first out loud, the munchkins then followed. My kids understood that we were praying for someone other than ourselves. I am proud of doing that because it was the right thing to do. I think we will pray for her again tonight.

My X and her Mom both made mention that her Mom would be taking the kids to the hospital on Wednesday. I've thought about this for quite awhile.... I may put the breaks on that and take them myself. The kids would do better in a hospital if I was there and if I was there I can show selfless support while also confronting the situation head on. I don't have a problem being the bigger person. I'd be interested to hear people's take on this?????

I'm still thinking on what to say to him (I wouldn't shake his hand)... Perhaps something like "My children thank you for donating life to their mother, but they don't thank you for all the negative impacts you have and will have on their lives." Still thinking about this one.

It is despicable to me:
- that I had to find out about OM from someone else
- that I found out about OM meeting the kids from the kids
- that I found out about OM sleeping over from kids
- that I found out about OM being the donor from someone else

It is more despicable that her nor anyone in her family has said anything to me. I have shook their hands, gave them hugs, seen them at soccer, seen them at daycare. To me there is no integrity or respect with the people that I once called family.

The kids have had an interesting couple of weeks... My D asked me last Wednesday if I "liked being husband and wife with Momma." I said "D I'm sorry we have not been husband and wife since Momma left." She then became bashful and quiet. My Son did something similar a couple days later, he asked me to see photos "of when Momma lived here because he couldn't remember."

They are obviously going through something. I'm trying to foster a relationship with them, so that they know without question that it is okay to bring up these things. I think it is important for them to approach me with anything (and feel comfortable doing so).

In a weird way, it feels as if the more she pushes the OM on them, the more they come back to me.

A lot of ramblings in here today.

This is my last thread in Newcomers. It is time for me to move on.