GB - I view him and her as the bacteria that pond scum eats. He is someone who works at her company in NYC (she works from home 6+ hours away). When he was first hired she identified him as an arrogant prick. I guess things have changed.
G - Thanks. It is both exciting and terrifying, but I'm sure I can do it and do it well!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Today is her surgery day. Actually, probably already both her and OM have been operated on. It has been on my mind a lot lately.
Last night, with my D5 & S3 we knelt down next to S's bed and prayed for her. This was a tough concept for a 3 & 5 year old, but we did it as if we were talking to a friend but also in a very serious way. I prayed first out loud, the munchkins then followed. My kids understood that we were praying for someone other than ourselves. I am proud of doing that because it was the right thing to do. I think we will pray for her again tonight.
My X and her Mom both made mention that her Mom would be taking the kids to the hospital on Wednesday. I've thought about this for quite awhile.... I may put the breaks on that and take them myself. The kids would do better in a hospital if I was there and if I was there I can show selfless support while also confronting the situation head on. I don't have a problem being the bigger person. I'd be interested to hear people's take on this?????
I'm still thinking on what to say to him (I wouldn't shake his hand)... Perhaps something like "My children thank you for donating life to their mother, but they don't thank you for all the negative impacts you have and will have on their lives." Still thinking about this one.
It is despicable to me: - that I had to find out about OM from someone else - that I found out about OM meeting the kids from the kids - that I found out about OM sleeping over from kids - that I found out about OM being the donor from someone else
It is more despicable that her nor anyone in her family has said anything to me. I have shook their hands, gave them hugs, seen them at soccer, seen them at daycare. To me there is no integrity or respect with the people that I once called family.
The kids have had an interesting couple of weeks... My D asked me last Wednesday if I "liked being husband and wife with Momma." I said "D I'm sorry we have not been husband and wife since Momma left." She then became bashful and quiet. My Son did something similar a couple days later, he asked me to see photos "of when Momma lived here because he couldn't remember."
They are obviously going through something. I'm trying to foster a relationship with them, so that they know without question that it is okay to bring up these things. I think it is important for them to approach me with anything (and feel comfortable doing so).
In a weird way, it feels as if the more she pushes the OM on them, the more they come back to me.
A lot of ramblings in here today.
This is my last thread in Newcomers. It is time for me to move on.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Hi Mahhhty, I agree with GMum - please don't engage with OM in any way and perhaps let MIL take the kids to hospital instead. You're understandably still feeling pretty raw about what you have learned and when in doubt, do nothing I would say.
Yes, if you are going to be somewhere else on the forum, do let us know. The Surviving the big D part of the forum is pretty active and everyone there is D already. It may suit you better if you want to keep posting but feel Newcomers isn't the right place for you anymore.
Really pleased to read about your business venture and hope all continues to go well xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
My my my how a couple of weeks slip away when you are dealing with the plague and work being busy.
Let me take care of one piece of business... *kicks over the pedestal* Ok. Much better.
I am beyond excited and extremely jealous of your business! That sounds like a crazy amount of fun, and I LOVE the service area. Can't describe how much I wish you success! Wish we had a PM ability here so I could get the details.
Now that itch I've been having about getting out in the woods is being scratched even more... Went looking for hiking boots over the weekend. Bought the shock cord and ordered the amsteel I needed for my tarp's ridge line (hammock camper here). About to break out my bike and get it greased up and ready. Still need to get a frame bag or bluetooth headphones.
Now to fulfill your request. The main advice I have for you is to let go and really detach. I don't necessarily mean throwing in the towel but not letting her affect you. Maybe I'm wrong, but what I'm reading is a lot of you reacting to changes in her life and how it "affects" you. Quite a bit of How can I manipulate her reactions? Do you remember the difference in me from when I tried to manipulate, mind read, and push to when I internalized the "Not my circus, not my monkeys" mentality? Yeah, that way of living.
I get that you love this woman. We all do. But she isn't seeing you. She is still strongly in the fog. It doesn't matter either, because you have boundaries. You have strength. You have two little ones who lean on their father for support and guidance (remember how my S6 did the same?_. What will they learn from a father who is rude to an OM? Or one who passively chases after an XW who Ded for an A? Or one who starts his own business, thrives, and is a PMA-filled, GALing SOB who keeps moving forward?
Do you realize you've preached ^^ that at me before?
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
G & Sotto - Thank You! I won't leave for good, but like Sotto said I will head over to Surviving the D.
I would never say that to the OM either. Although in a dark place inside where I have less control I might really really want to.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thanks Bud! It is exciting and fun, I'm sure it will take off. I'll be physically fit and tan all summer, and doing some pretty cool activities... Whitewater Rafting, Kayaking, SUP and Biking. As well as teaching/nurturing the next generation of environmental stewards.
I do remember you saying multiple times.... Not my circus. Not my monkeys. I think I'm going to steal that line and repeat it to myself.
Perhaps this is bad to admit, but it has been a year and I can still say that I do care for her and I do miss her. But she is not the woman she used to be. Nor does she care for me in the slightest. She is cunning, manipulative, false and untrustworthy. I think you are correct... I still look for a connection, look at how I am affected, look for avenues to manipulate or to settle the score. However, at the same time. I really do have little no interaction with this woman.
Not my circus. Not my monkeys.
I guess that solves my hospital problem.... The kids will go with X-MIL and they can bring flowers or something of the like. I will not go.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I remember when I was six years old, my mother was required to have lengthy stays in hospital for radiation related to life threatening cervical cancer.
Every second Sunday (as on the other sunday my mother was allowed a leave home) my father would take us to visit my mother.
My father and I never had a close relationship (even at age six - I feared and loathed him) and I found no comfort in his care of us over the time my mother was receiving her treatment (six months), in fact I experienced quite the opposite.
But walking into the hospital with my dad was important. I remember his resolute commitment to getting us there to see my mum. We had no car and my father had to regularly organise a family friend to take us, my father had a high level of pride and to ask for help, well it must of shamed him significantly.
There's only a few things that I remember and respect my father for Mahhhty, but for me it was and has been a very important memory.
You are an incredible father and I have been dedicated throughout this and likely into the long term. I know your children will have lots of good memories of you and your acts and activities. This might be an essential one to create.
It's not for you Mahhhty that you need to take them, it's for your kids, to remember you were there.
The above is said with so much respect, please take this with the good intent with which it was said.
Agree completely with JellyB. My parents did however have a pretty good relationship, but it meant a lot that my dad was the one who took us to see our mom in the hospital when she had cancer.
