Hi Maximus - you are right, I am all over the place, my emotions are like a yo-you right now. If I had it all worked out I wouldn't be here! I'm posting my latest interactions with my W but what I say here isn't necessarily what I'm telling my W. In otherwords, I'm biting my tongue as much as I can but have slipped up here and there (I know I should not have said 'hopefully more than friends' - realized it the second I said it but I'm doing my best). I set myself up to be shot down on that one for sure. I'm learning...slowly!
I'm not sure I follow parts of your post as I never said I questioned my attractiveness (said the opposite in fact - I'm feeling very confident in that regard) or that I would initiate sweaty sex (said if my wife initiated sex I wasn't sure what I should do - I don't really want sex until I feel sure our marriage issues are well underway to being resolved. I think I would feel used otherwise), and I don't do 90% of the chores, she does, and she should (told her that) as she works part-time out of the house. I have both been defending myself and taking the battle to her - it's been 50/50 of this the past few years. I don't think taking the battle to her is necessarily the right approach right now though - we are both just trying to let things calm down after the past few months of nuclear melt down. She hasn't been battling with me nor have I with her for weeks now.
I appreciate your examples of how to handle the kiss and hug - wish I had read this earlier this weekend. I'll try and keep these examples in mind if there is another next time. We had friends over on the weekend for a dinner party and had a few drinks. A Cat Stevens song came on which is a very beautiful slow song and my wife knows I'm a big fan of his (have seen him twice live in the past 5 years). Anyway, my W turned me around and started slow dancing with me for the entire song. I did feel a little awkward and certainly did not allow myself to get caught up in it (I was guarded). Ended with a kiss on the cheek from her and we moved on. Maybe I should have refused the dance - after all, it's not like she has told me that her feelings are coming back for me (attracted to me again). Our R is in a delicate position right now so I also don't want to put up another wall up when we are trying to tear them down. I'm not doing a very good job handling these situations.
As for the new MC, for what it's worth, my W saw her on Friday and she returned saying she really liked her and that she was much more optimistic about our M. I won't see her until later this week.
