Where will we go from here

[Thornton]

I'm introverted as well.

But it's something I want to change about myself. So I'll keep pushing myself.

What are some things you wish you could change about yourself?

[TimR]

Oh boy Thornton that is a long list.

Physically I would like to get lighter and stronger improve my cardio.

Quit tobacco, still a nasty habit from my Jr. high wrestling days.

I want to become less judgmental of people.

I want to get better at listening to and appreciating others ideas and suggestions.

At home I want to be more organized and cleaner.

As a step father and person in general, I want to be more patient and better at acknowledging how a person is feeling.

I am a social idiot. I miss cues people give, often I am never even aware of it. So I want to be more observant and understanding.

As a husband I want to be more open and emotionally available and affectionate to my S.

Communication, to understand what others are trying to tell me.

I am sure I could go on and on but I will stop there. How about you?

[Thornton]

Those are awesome goals. And attainable if you put yourself to the test.

Physically lighter and stronger - sounds like gym time and a healthy diet are in order. You can start on that one tomorrow. Discipline.

Tobacco - I know this one is a doozy, especially when stressed. Start small and begin with trying to slowly taper for now. Aim for one less cig or dip a day (not sure if you smoke or chew).

Less judgmental - This takes awareness. My IC taught that half the battle is simply being aware. Keep it in the forefront of your mind when interacting with people and allow it to become habit.

Listening - awareness

Organized and cleaner - set aside 20 minutes a day dedicated to tidying up. You'll be amazed at what you can clean up in 20 minutes. Discipline.

Patience and more aware of other people's feelings - awareness. Ask people how they are feeling. It's that simple, ask them.

Husband duties - we'll work on that one when the time is right.

Communication and better understanding - Awareness and slowing down. Catch yourself when you start to think of responses before the other person is finished talking. I'm guilty of this too.

Tim, you have an opportunity to change your life for YOU. You have time now to take advantage of it. Seize it!

And when you do these things ^^^.... Your life will change and you will attract different people into your life, good people. Hell, your W might even take notice because you are oozing this new sense of confidence and well being.

You have an opportunity right now, we all do. I'm sure as hell not going to squander my opportunity to change, even if it hurts like hell.

Let's go, Tim. We can hold each other accountable.

[Sl1322]

Tim,

Just read your story. Hang in there man. Continue with coaching. That will definitely be a part of the legacy you leave behind. Take care.

[TimR]

Oh boy just got a random text from WW. How is the dog doing? I kind of panicked but just wrote back that the dog has not pooped in the house.

She then asks if I talked to her Landlord after she rented her place. I said no and she text back, "weird, I am thinking he must have figured out we were married and I know I didn't tell him."

Hello, we ARE married. I would like to mention we ARE married but I think instead I will just not comment back. There was not a question there that needs addressed.

Why would she pick today and this morning to reach out to me. She doesn't give a sh!t about the dog, so I know she was not really curious about that, could have been to get to the Landlord topic but she could have just text about that. I know, I know, mind reading but I sure wish I could understand her motives.

[NYGal]

Sometimes it's just to maintain contact. Don't answer this one. Or just text back, "That's odd..."

[TimR]

I did answer because I started to worry she would get angry again and start again threatening to withhold S. I just said "I would guess it is just because we live in a small town." She then text me about the handyman who I knew in high school. I really wanted to stay with the NC and drop it but I am also trying to weigh the pros and cons of what could happen with S13 too.

The real bad thing is now I feel like crap and want her back so bad. It seems every time I am able to move a bit forward she does something to pull me back into pining for her.

[NYGal]

Wait a while to respond. See how you feel in a few hours. My coach reminds me that it's OK to be in touch as long as we can do it in a way that projects self-confidence and self-sufficiency.

[Sparkls]

I wouldn't obsess about her phrasing. I know it's hard but tenses are weird and she very well could've meant nothing by it.

I think keeping the cordial is a good plan since she's so edgy Don't ask her questions, don't respond to anything personal but answer straight forward, the same way you would to a neighbor. (Like if a neighbor asked about the dog, what would you say? "He's doing well")

[TimR]

Thanks NYGal and Sparkly (just trying to get you to change your name again :-P). I wander if she realizes how her texts can cause me pain for days on end, even if they are about nothing important. I wander if she would even care.

I did respond and did keep it neighborly. "I think its just that we are in a small town." She then text about the maintenance guy and were we friends in high school. I just text, "Yeah we were really good friends from 5th to 8th grade." and left it at that.

I just know I will be looking at my phone for the next few days, wandering why she isn't contacting me. sigh......