Where will we go from here

[Thornton]

Those kids absolutely will become your legacy.

They will talk about their old wrestling coach, Tim, when they are playing with their kids one day.

You are molding these kids and keeping them out of trouble. That's huge. I still remember my little league coaches and how they believed in me. It still means so much to me.

[Sparkls]

Plus, you never know. IF W doesn't get her act together, you'll find some other great woman and maybe she'll have kids already and you'll be the best step dad ever.
Plus, 41 really isn't old for a guy to have kids. Count yourself lucky there at least. Us ladies are ticking time bombs as our ovaries shrivel. :-p (that's supposed to be light hearted, sorry if it triggers anyone :-/ )

And no, my tum tum isn't upset because of last night. I ended up not really drinking that much becasue a. the margaritas were big but also very filling with lots of fruit (they were more alcoholic smoothies than margaritas) and b. I didn't want to end up sad and drunk and alone in my house. I haven't really been able to eat more than one meal a day since d-day. Not healthy, but I make sure to eat good for me stuff at least (well, today not so much, today was a left over piece of pizza kind of day but most of the time it's like blueberries or some other fruit or protein). Down almost 30 lbs because of it (part of that was dieting that was started a few weeks before d-day as part of our new years resolution to get healthy.) Upside though is that I was pretty addicted to diet soda and now don't have nearly as much of a taste for it. Drinking lots more water instead. positive life changes from within the chaos.

[broke]

Tim,

Your post brought tears to my eye. It breaks my heart that good guys like you get treated poorly when you just want to be there for your stepsons. My H has 2 wonderful sons that put him on a pedestal and he broke up our family, got caught and lied to them about it. He has traded days with me so he could hang out and go golfing so I've had our boys 3 weekends in a row and be hasn't even bothered to text them. (I'm sure he's enjoying his OW.)

I'm so glad you are working with kids and getting the appreciation you deserve. You know as well as I do that biology doesn't mean squat. It's the time, attention and love that matter. Keep doing what your doing. Who knows what the future holds? Keep being you - you will have a positive impact on the children you coach and parent (S13 etc). I believe God has a better plan for us all. Keep fighting the good fight - we will get there. I have to believe that.

[TimR]

Hello all. So today I am just feeling lonely. I miss S13 and while we text it is not the same.

My GAL activities I think will be finish cleaning. Ugh I hate cleaning. With three big dogs, they make so much dust and dirt. Plus they drag in a lot of dirt and shed hair every where. Well doing a little at a time.

I really want to get a jog. It is chilly out there though so not so sure about that.

Church is tonight at 5:00 and afterwards I am going to go to DivroceCare. I found one near me. If anyone could let me know what to expect I would appreciate it.

Life is a garden, Dig it!

[broke]

Tim,

Sorry you are feeling lonely today. Put on loud music while you clean….I find it is the only way to "enjoy" it.

I think I am in week 10 of divorce care. Basically, each week has a "theme", you watch a video on that topic and then discuss it with the group. I found the first couple of weeks, everyone was pretty quiet. Then, people opened up more. It has been very helpful to me to meet others going through divorce because I only know 3 people that have been divorced. I met one woman and we get together probably once a month. I hope you enjoy it!

[HopeRB]

Tim,

Sounds like you've got a rough schedule in place for today which always helps me as I don't have to think about the next thing to do or have time to sit and think/dwell. And I'm so happy you are finding fulfillment in coaching and just know that you are making such huge, positive stamp in those kids' lives!

I'm just like you and at first, could not stand kids. Just super annoying lol. But when I got into my 30s, that feeling literally changed over night! And as Spark so eloquently put it, I think about how my ovaries are just withering away. Now all I think about lately is when I will get to have some munchkins of my own, who will I get to create and share all of this awesome love with?! H and I used to talk about how awesome us and our kids would be, how we'd interact with them, the kind of atmosphere we wanted to have at home - it was going to be so fun!

But I have hope that we will survive and thrive and get to have those kids that will carry our legacy. Just keep working to be the best you you can be :-)

[TimR]

As I cleaned today I watched and listened to Shawshank Redemption. I think a quote from this movie is applicable to each of us as we will all eventually move on with or with out our WS. "the man who crawled through a mile of sh!t and came out clean on the otherside." That is us.... We are all crawling through our own tunnel of sh!t but when we reach that other side we will be clean. We of course will have the scars from our traumas but our souls will be clean.

Ok so now I am going to try and get that jog in... Oh dear lord how I hate running. Lets see how far I really can get. LOL First step is to get off this chair.

[TimR]

Well, I managed to get off my chair and go out to run. I did 4.2 miles in about 33 or 34 minutes. Yeah not the greatest time but for my first time, I will take it. At least I managed to do it and only walked for a very short distance, maybe 25 yards to catch my breath at the very end.

Church was good, the Gospel was the prodigal son, so priest talked a lot about reconciliation. I think that is a sign I must keep the limbo and wait for the WW to come back and show unconditional love and true reconciliation. That does not mean I am going to stop working on me, or stop moving forward. Rather that is how I will be the best me for if she does come back in the future.

DivorceCare... IDK about. There were only 4 people there. All were cheated on. Tonight's lesson was what the bible says about divorce. I don't think I want to know, because I don't want to be divorced and I certainly at this point am not going to give up and file. The reason I am not sure if I like it is the religion aspect. I am very private about my religion. Also, the way they talk it seems to hopeless. I don't want to be hopeless, I need to maintain my hope. Needless to say a felt a bit more depressed than when I went in. I think I will try again next weekend but am hesitant.

Tomorrow is a new day and another day to work on me! I look forward to tomorrow cause I get to see S13 tomorrow.

[Thornton]

Nice job on the run!

I hate running as well, I'd rather lift weights but to each his own.

Sorry to hear about the DivorceCare class. I really enjoy mine, it's a small group as well. The video is particularly helpful for me and makes me feel like I'm not alone.

Keep challenging yourself, buddy. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone, you'll start to build confidence.

[TimR]

Hey Thornton, I think that is why I am going to go back. I am not the type of person who would normally talk about my feelings and what I am thinking and definitely not to strangers, so this DivorceCare is very outside my comfort zone. However, having said that I think it will help me learn to express myself better at the very least. I am kinda introverted and would be more comfortable hanging out at home, so I am challenging myself to go out and meet new people.

Maybe in the near future I will get together with a running club, but heck I just hate running so much. But if at 41 I am going to wrestle in a month against 18 year olds and up, I definitely need to improve my cardio!! Plus at least I proved to myself I can accomplish one of my goals: do a 5K. I think that will be in April same month that I will wrestle.