[BrightFuture]

Thanks you mleigh, HaWho, peacetoday, 2T, Irish, bttrfly, ciljuzen for stopping by and for the kind wishes. I feel much better now. I went to work on Friday, but was so miserable, that my manager told me to go back home and have some rest. Which I did. I did do some work online though, and then took a nap. Then I slept in on Saturday. I think I needed this rest so badly. It did the trick. I went grocery shopping on the afternoon and even joined a happy hour/get together in the neighborhood. I didn’t stay too long, but had a great time.

bttrfly, thank you for the virtual soup! It helped too!

I don't know about you, but I get a bit confused about where the line is between being a good friend and allowing h to cakewalk, meaning doing things for H that I would do without thought or question for a friend vs enabling or being taken advantage of.

I think if you are ok with it, then it's not being taken advantage of ... couldn't it be a reminder of what it's like having you on his side? I don't know it I'm making sense here, as I'm really tired, so forgive me if I don't make sense.

You are making perfect sense. I see that a lot of us, LBSs, here get confused about that line… And, as everyone pointed out, if it feels right to do things for H, then it should be ok. I was not taken advantage off, I offered my help, like I would to a good friend. And I was thinking the same thing that it could serve as reminder that we used to be a great team with H and I always took care of him.

I think if we leave them with good memories of each interaction, then they are going to have a harder time remembering why it was they needed to run in the first place.

Ciluzen, this is a great point! I’m really curious what kind of excuses H is pulling out these days when explaining to people why he left the marriage, especially to people who know me, LOL.

HaWho, good point about Christmas shopping and other things that they EXPECT us to do. I think you would be right to push back on this when you don’t feel like it. My H used to expect me to do a lot of things. I don’t see this as much anymore (well, maybe just with his mail, LOL), I think he is realizing now that I don’t have to do things for him. He is very polite and thankful for the most part now.

Here are some updates.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from my first xh (my son’s father) with the subject “Happy March 8th” and an attached card… with roses and a poetry, wishing me a Happy Women’s Day (Which is March 8th and celebrated widely in Europe)… He used to send this to his long list of women friends, where I was also included. Not sure if this was the case this time as well, but it was kind of weird, because I was not a part of the distribution list for a few years. Not sure what this is about… Just makes me suspicions if he needs something from me or from my son again…

This is interesting because a couple of days before that I came across a site and was thinking to sign up for a meditation course called “Break the Grip of Past Lovers”. I’ve been having these weird dreams recently, where I go from seeing my first xh, then my BF after him, then my H, all mixed in some kind of unrealistic sequence of events. So, when I saw that course, I thought that this is the time for me to start ridding myself of the “impact of past lovers” (this is what they advertise for this course.) This would include H as well. I’m really starting to feel like I am ready to move on and be open for something new in my life.

Then… this morning, I received a long text from H. He said he wanted to thank me again for the setting up the car rental and that it worked out great. He told me that he is back to the state where he normally works and the condo is available for me to use again. He said that he thinks he will be back around the beginning of June for a week or so (hmmmm… this is around my B-day…), and then he asked me to send him a company file. I totally didn’t expect this at all. He already thanked me a couple of time for the car rental arrangement… And I totally didn’t expect him to “offer” me the condo like that. The good news is, I’m still allowed to use it, LOL.

I replied back saying that I’m glad that car rental arrangement worked for him, thanked him for letting me know about the condo, and that I would send the company file shortly. I don’t know, but for some reason this H’s text made me feel good. Maybe because I’m treated like a human being again… and not like a subject that is just part of the business. I think he is actually trying to make an effort to be nice to me. Does it mean I’m in a category of a good friend now?

Interesting thing is that it didn’t make me to up my hopes again. I found myself thinking that I have this rope in my hand, but I’m not holding to it anymore. If H would yank this rope out my hand now, I would just let it go… But… it seems like he tries to not disturb it at the very least…

Going back to work tomorrow. It should be a good week! I will be getting the full bonus for the last year and little bit of a wage increase!

Have a great week, everyone!