Yesterday's gone. Tomorrows not here... (3)

[Scrant]

Hi Pinn. Thanks for checking in on me. Good luck on your meeting up with W. Be strong but gentle. It sounds like you things under control. Be positive. You've got this.

[pinn]

So interesting week. I was supposed to see WW today but that didn't happen. More on that in a few. The interesting thing that happened was that I did not focus on seeing her at all this week. I even tried to focus and think about meeting up with WW, I could think about for a minute or two but then my mind would go else where. It was pretty incredible. Pretty much the exact opposite of post BD where I could not get my mind off of her.

I hadn't conversed with WW since Tuesday.

So last night I get this text:

WW: Tax papers in your mailbox.
Pinn: OK Thanks

I read that and was like WTH because it was so out of the blue. It didn't bother me but I was wondering what changed. I thought it could be two things. First, I had not spoken with her since Tuesday so she might have been upset at that. Second, my yoga instructor tags me in posts constantly on FB. I am sure she got wind of that. So it could have been that. (the yoga instructor has a big time crush btw, but I already told her that nothing was going to happen there... might have to switch classes).

WW: I felt like you felt obligated to let me go there so I just thought it would be easier to drop them off
Pinn: I didn't feel obligated... maybe some other time then
WW: I know but it was just that you were so against the idea at first so I felt a little uncomfortable like you didn't really want me to. I would definitely stop by sometime if you wanted.

Oh ok... now I see what is going on here. She wanted me to come out and say I want to see her... that's not going to happen. The whole point of this was me recognizing her desire to see the kitties and letting her do that.

Pinn: It wouldn't bother me... If I minded I wouldn't have offered... its ok... some other time when our schedules line up
Wife: Are you annoyed?

I am annoyed that you just asked me if I am annoyed... but prior to that I was not. Are you trying to make me annoyed? I can see how my text comes across as maybe being annoyed, but I really was not.

Pinn: No... not at all... it was going to be tough getting home in time anyway
WW: Oh Ok... don't feel like you need to pencil me into your busy schedule.

I felt like I had to lighten the mood a bit to end this so just replied with.

Pinn: Kitty1 is going to be disappointed though :-)

So that is that. I know the db'ing was not the best in this interaction. I'll give it a few days and process what to do. What I was hoping to get from seeing her is some direction on where things are going. I don't even care which way. If things looked positive then great, if she wanted to talk about moving toward D, then I am honestly fine with that too. I was hoping to gather a little info to see if we can get out of this limbo state... but I am still solidly there.

I feel detached though... I feel good. Not seeing WW in 7.5 months can do that.

[otw]

I actually think that was awesome in your part.

I get a sense she is wanting you to be the one pursuing. She seems to be playing a little game. The way you handled it was great.

I am not the person completely against a little cat and mouse of you pursuing here and there but not over the top.

You acted as it didn't bother you either way but you also have the chance for another time. Great job.

[Thornton]

^^i agree.

Pin, you did great. She appears to be temp checking. Not need to Pencil me into your busy schedule? The tides have shifted IMO.

[Vanilla]

I like this too.

V

[broke]

I agree with the very smart DB'ing group above. I think you did great. And, I look forward to being where you are - ready to talk about D or moving toward reconciliation. Good for you!

[pinn]

Thanks all for the feedback. I appreciate it! No spinning at all with the recent interactions which is terrific. I think that detachment is getting there.

We exchanged a few friendly texts last night, nothing major. I let her go first. So I think my plan is going to be to go pretty dim for at least a week. I want to see how/if she reacts now. Depending on how that goes, I will probably try to take her up on her offer and meet. The reason is because I want to try a gauge where things are at. It is odd to be separated for almost 8.5 months now and not the hear the word divorce or anything associated with it. I don't doubt she wants that, I mean she made it pretty clear without saying it. She is just not pushing anything to do with it at all. I am fine with it at this point. I would have to tell her that I could never talk to her again though if we D, that is the toughest part but I have accepted that as well if it goes that route.

Anyway, we are getting there.

[CWOL]

Great job, you are Detaching like a champ!
Your WW is definitely trying to draw you out, resist it!

[Pax_luv]

Hi Pinn! Just checking in. How are you? How did your week turn out?

[pinn]

Hey Feyth,

Thanks for checking in. I read your thread and am sorry that you had a rough few days. The anniversary of BD is probably in your head. I know it would/will be in mine.

Week was great. I am incredibly busy. I love the yoga and go twice a week. Between that, the gym, marathon training, school, hockey and work... my weeks fly by and I meet new people! Plan with WW is still on track. I didn't contact her all week. She texted me yesterday asking how the taxes were going which i thoughts was a little odd. I don't know if she is expecting a refund (no refund, we owe a boat load) or if she used it as an excuse to reach out. It was a quick exchange with me just answering her questions. I'll see if she reaches out anymore in the next week or two.

Keep ya head up Feyth!