Thanks broke and ciluzen for weighing in on the rings sitch - I didn't wear them while in church and felt a bit weird, so I put them back on. Had a good time last night at the show and a few too many stouts - woke up this morning a bit out of it but overall, I'd say a good "GAL" night.
Went to church, then the coffee shop, then my friend came over for a bit so I could help her with something and now on my way to another state via Amtrak for a few days to do some work for the company I freelance for. I enjoy these little trips b/c it gives me a chance to get away from the stress of the city on someone else's dime...a nice little vacay of sorts.
My SIL called me a little while ago to see how I was doing and gave my a few updates on H. Apparently he is very sad and says he's lonely but I love my BIL b/c H isn't getting any sympathy from that camp whatsoever. BIL tells him he did this to himself and that he has some nerve to think someone should feel sorry for him when his W is at home experiencing it tenfold. H apparently gets upset b/c he feels like all everyone is concerned with are my feelings and no one cares about his feelings but uhm hellloooo?! He's the one that left. So it seems H is getting very little sympathy from folks. I thinks its crazy that H is very aware of himself and the way he's handled things but doesn't seem to care or want to know how to fix it.
On another note, there seems to be a big concern on my side of the family for my mental health. I spoke to my dad who told me I seem stuck and I need to move on b/c obviously H is moving on. I told him how can he say that I'm stuck when he has no clue whats going on and how I'm feeling b/c I've stopped sharing details with folks. He says thats the thing - you dont tell anyone anything and take advice from ppl with wisdom. It's funny b/c I actually do hear and digest everything everyone has said to me but they're not me and they chose to handle their M's differently than I am. And while I value and consider their opinions, I don't think I've ever asked for them. And when I did, I took what I needed from the interaction and kept it moving. My dad thinks its about me not wanting to hear the truth but I'm aware of the truth. He says he wants to protect me and I get that also but I told him I have no desire to keep hearing the same unsolicited advice over and over again and to just let me reconcile my own emotions in my own time and my own way. Its amazing how they think I can just shut my emotions off as if this thing were mutual. It's not mutual and I miss my husband terribly.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
