I must be doing some sort of medieval self-torture on myself b/c I listen to a few songs that have a direct line to H when I'm running and working out at the gym, songs he told me he likes while we've been S! Of course, there are some songs (and tv shows for that matter) I can't go near but as for the others, only when I'm feeling strong.

Thornton, I'm agreeing with everything you've just said. I realize H may not feel the same way about me and there's nothing I can do about that, which is a bit unfortunate as he used to refer to me as his "Queen." Now I'm more like one of the peasants in his court...haha I don't know whats with me and these medieval references, very strange.

And like you, I'm in no way, shape or form ready to think about giving all this to another man but I do find my mind thinking about qualities/elements I want in my next R, with our without H. And like you, I sometimes wonder if H is even capable of having an intimate relationship with another human being.

And I have to agree most of all with the power of prayer and how it can completely renew and reset your mind. I am so thankful that I was able to receive that b/c I don't know where'd I'd be if my mind and heart weren't fixed on God. Seriously, not to get all preachy but I scare myself sometimes on how peaceful my countenance and spirit can be at times. And when it's not, those are the moments I have to remind myself to be even more grateful and patient and to trust.

"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."