KGirl - new life, new stuff

[KGirl]

I'll think of this more as things I "accomplished"/made an effort to do..:
Yesterday:
-I went to the grocery store with an actual plan and coupons. Haven't done that since December.
-Took a trip to the casino with a friend (even though I was tempted to call it off to sit at home and wallow), and came out $20 ahead!

Today:
-Read the newspaper. Which sounds silly but instead of reading them I've just been letting them pile up, taking out the coupons after a few days, then recycling them, because even bothering to read them has seemed pointless/like too much of an effort (more on that later)
-Got dressed, went and got some cat food so the cats wouldn't starve, stopped at bath and body works and smelled the candles and bought a particular delicious pineapple mango one. I have a candle addiction.
-Cooked one of the freezer meals that I made at a party back in December. Actual baked chicken with some veggies and rice.
-And now I'll go to the gym shortly and committing to stay through a whole TV episode from Netflix.

Goals for tonight: do dishes from dinner, take out recycling and trash, open a new savings account (I had to withdraw all my $ and close it after some car repairs this fall and I need to rebuild an emergency fund). If I feel the need to dwell on things, find something positive or that focuses on building self-esteem and self-love to read instead of stupid "why your relationship ended/how to get your ex back" cr*p.

I realize it is a serious not-good sign when I'm thinking things like "why even read the newspaper? Or do laundry? it's all so pointless" so here's hoping the professional help this week is... helpful. If one of my college students was telling me some of the stuff I've been thinking in my head I'd be physically walking them down to student health services and/or making them follow up with me to make sure they've done so. Trying to fake it until I make it hasn't done much this time. I've neglected to tell my friends and family the real extent of how I'm feeling lately because I worry they'll stage some sort of intervention on me and that's the last thing that I want to deal with - I think they're already collaborating to check up on me because my friends seem to be taking turns asking "How are you? what are your plans for the day? what will you be doing later?" etc. They have indicated that I should be "over this" by now and finding other guys to date and that I should just "forget that d-bag, he's a man-child" but it's not that simple. And easy for them to say when they're all securely married or about to be.