Looking for a Spark in the dark

[Sparkls]

I didn't have as many memory lane moments in the first few weeks, just pure shock and pain. Its lately that memories have really been sucker-punching me in the gut. And it seems like literally anything will make me think of him, some small memory that was stored away but now is in bright daylight to hurt me all over again.

The one important thing I've figured out is that I really don't need him. Im managing just fine without him. But that leaves this hole because I really, really want him. I miss my partner.
For background the letter I put on his stuff when I kicked him out said :
H,
For now, I need you to not be in my home. You have hurt me more than I have words for not only in your initial actions but your continued disreguard/respect for me. I deserve better than this.
We will discuss more when you get back from CO but for now, you aren't welcome here. I will take care of the dogs. You have everything you need.
Figure your sh*t out. You are having a mid life crisis type affair, you need help figuring it out.
Call me if you need to talk,
Spark

it was before I heard of DBing and proper boundaries and whatnot but that's where I left things with him, assuming he even read it. I worry that he doesn't know he can come back, that I was too harsh and that is why he felt so awkward when he came to get more of his stuff.
I'm mind reading, a big no-no.
But I wonder if I should just send an email saying that something like: I agree we need some space to work on ourselves and figure out what we want from ourselves and from each other. I know I want to work on this R. I know that given time and patience, I can forgive you and myself for what has happened. I know you don't feel that way and that's okay, I understand that too. I'm sorry for trying to tell you how you felt and for not listening more carefully when you spoke. I'm sorry for all the little ways I tried to control you or "fix" you. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel dumb. I'm sorry for ever belittling what was important to you. I know I'm not perfect and I am going to spend time working on making myself a better person so that whatever relationship I enter next, I can do better. I want that to be with you but if not, I'll still be better for it.

I"m sure that's probably a mistake.
Ugh I'm all over the place every day.