I was able to string two decent days together, that's a first since bomb.
Today I hit the gym, got my haircut, and did some grocery shopping.
I still miss W like crazy but I'm starting to realize that she just doesn't feel the same way about me. I still feel a little robbed by her. Like all of this lovey dovey stuff from her was just lip service as we were planning our future together.
I'm starting to think about the type of woman I want in my life (I am no where near ready to date) and it's fun to think about being with someone that values the same things as I do.
W and I had intimacy issues. In the beginning, she was very affectionate but once we started living together, her sex drive plummeted. It didn't make sense to me, I'm a fit guy, I eat healthy and I've never had a problem attracting women. I know intimacy for women is much more than that. But it's almost like a switch went off for her.
Ironically, she told me her previous boyfriends complained of the same thing. Another red flag I chose to ignore.
Honestly, I don't know if W is capable of a healthy, intimate relationship with anyone. Sure, she may meet some nice guy. But I think he will eventually meet the same fate I did once he starts to expect more from the relationship than she is able to give.
One thing that has helped me, is gratitude. I pray every night and I thank God for everything I do have. That seems to have shifted my mindset some. It doesn't erase the pain, but it does shift things.
I titled my thread after a song that W used to tell me reminded her of me - God Bless the broken road that led me straight to you. I miss that W, but I don't think she is there anymore.
In any case, this is my broken road. And I know eventually it will lead me to where I'm supposed to be.
