Now, the real work begins...Part III

[broke]

GAL'ing today: took boys to church this morning, made lunch, cleaned house and, now, leaving to take the boys to basketball game at my old college. I love taking them back to my university, but it is hard because that is where I met my H and there are so many memories. Also, we have 4 tickets and couldn't find someone to take the last one, so that empty seat will be tough.

Anyway, I felt a shift when I was at my parents the last two days. I definitely felt some of the rope fall a little (probably for the first time). My family remembers the strong me, before I got married and lost my voice. They have no doubt that I will be fine without my H even happier in the future than I was before. I know that they want to see me happy so they would like me to move on. But, I also think they are totally confident in me and they truly believe that my future is brighter without being married to my H. It's interesting because I feel better when I am with them, too. Maybe it's the unconditional love, maybe it is the fact I don't have to be "on guard" with them and just be me (not worried about validating, detaching, GAL'ing, etc).

I am hopeful that this "shift" isn't temporary and that it is me moving more towards accepting that reconciliation is probably a miracle at best right now. I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach - that feeling that I still want to stand for my M. When the knot in my stomach has disappeared I think that is when I will know that I have dropped the rope. I cannot wait for that knot to go away…..off to watch some bball.

I hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday and is out GAL'ing!