I like your positives. If you can fix that last negative about over analysis that would fix all of your negatives.
See Broke, us smart folks always think 3 or 4 steps down the road. That's what makes us nice people to be around but it also causes us so much stress because we cant live in the here and now. That is one lesson that I am trying to pay heed to. Not doing so good right now, but I believe God has presented with that task. Stay strong for yourself, your good boys and all of us.
From another midwesterner. Midwest is the best baybee!
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Daybyday - thanks for weighing in. I agree - I definitely need to focus on the here and now. Not so far in the future! I'm also trying to put it in God's hands and accept whatever it is that happens. Good advice!
Hope you are a Cubs fan my Midwestern friend! (Or maybe not sometimes it's rough holding onto hope so long....maybe that's why I'm doing it in my personal sitch, I'm used to it being a lifelong cubs fan!)
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Where did you get that bitter vs better quote? I would like to put it on my signature so I can be reminded of it every time I come on here.
You are moving on wonderfully. great reflections regarding husband. That is certainly an enlightened perspective and very accurate.
Something my coach said that resonated to me...
When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad I feel bad. Most of the WS seem to be pretty miserable no? (I am feeling bad, so I need to do some good I guess)
I am rereading vanillas as well.. Very interesting take on the MLCrs. Thank you.
Actually someone posted that quote on my Facebook page and I thought it was so appropriate for all of us here. I'm sure you could google it and figure out who said it.
Thanks for the positive feedback. As you know, this is such a fluid situation, I could be in tears in a hour. So, I'm just trying to take it day by day and try to stick to my boundaries and detaching.
On another note, do you think the DB coach has been helpful? I've thought a little about doing one session but it's been 8 months and there's very little contact, so I'm not really sure it'd be that helpful right now. I think it's been 8 months for you, too, but I have the added bonus of the OW.
Hope you are feeling better tonight!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Just checking in. I'm glad you were to spend time with family. It's so nice to be surrounded by unconditional love.
And I'm sorry to here about your sons struggling with all of this. It amazes me that WAS can put their needs before their kids. Just proves that A's truly are like an addiction.
It's really good to see you on a solid DB path. I know that you are getting stronger.
Whatever the future holds, nobody knows. But we will come out of this better and stronger people. I can't say the same for the WAS's.
The universe has a way of balancing things. I don't wish ill will on anyone, but I'd be lying if I didn't have a little guilty pleasure in thinking the WAS will reap what they sow.
Keep showing your boys how responsible, strong, and classy you are. No doubt they will face hardships in life, but you are giving them the recipe on how to overcome.
i am not consistent with my conversations with coach, but I do feel like she is a help. I feel like if she had been our marriage counselor, we would not be where we are today. I do like the advise she gives and assignments. I haven't done well at following it though.
What she says is often different then what the board say. I am torn between little contact, and trying to be a friend (I think he views as pursual)
GAL'ing today: took boys to church this morning, made lunch, cleaned house and, now, leaving to take the boys to basketball game at my old college. I love taking them back to my university, but it is hard because that is where I met my H and there are so many memories. Also, we have 4 tickets and couldn't find someone to take the last one, so that empty seat will be tough.
Anyway, I felt a shift when I was at my parents the last two days. I definitely felt some of the rope fall a little (probably for the first time). My family remembers the strong me, before I got married and lost my voice. They have no doubt that I will be fine without my H even happier in the future than I was before. I know that they want to see me happy so they would like me to move on. But, I also think they are totally confident in me and they truly believe that my future is brighter without being married to my H. It's interesting because I feel better when I am with them, too. Maybe it's the unconditional love, maybe it is the fact I don't have to be "on guard" with them and just be me (not worried about validating, detaching, GAL'ing, etc).
I am hopeful that this "shift" isn't temporary and that it is me moving more towards accepting that reconciliation is probably a miracle at best right now. I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach - that feeling that I still want to stand for my M. When the knot in my stomach has disappeared I think that is when I will know that I have dropped the rope. I cannot wait for that knot to go away…..off to watch some bball.
I hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday and is out GAL'ing!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Broke I am happy for you. Weekends are so difficult and look at you, your killing it. Great to hear you had fun with your boys. Taking them to your university is more than just a trip down memory lane, it reinforces the importance of education. My father also told me that I needed to work with my brain and not my back like he does. I was then the first person in my family to get a degree let alone multiple degrees. And its a good thing too because my hands are not so useful...
Like I said before, everyone on here talks about dropping the rope but I do not think it as easy as that. I think we hold it so tightly we are incapable of just opening our hands. Rather, I think the rope every so often slides a bit through our hands. eventually we are just out of rope and are left with the scars. So maybe instead of dropping it, you are coming to nearer the end of yours.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
