Sorry your here don. Like all above I suggest going over sand is rules and reading DR. Threads like Wonka's validation cheat sheet will also be handy I think because you are still talking.
As for the vacation you have to think, will telling her she can't come be something you want to tell her so you can get a reaction? Intentionally trying to get a reaction that benefits you canned viewed as manipulation by S. Also if it were me I would worry I would be enabling free time for her to contact/ be with OM.
All you can really do is be the best Don you can be for you and your kids. Do not do something and parade around looking for her to say how great you are. If she does awesome, don't expect it all the time tho.
Actions before words. Remember that. And it works on both ends. You can say all you want about R and yourself. She needs to see it from you not hear it. Same goes for her. She needs to show you her intentions with M not just speak them.
I hope you and your W can work on this. And I hope you stick around for help. There are many great people here that give amazing advice. Be strong
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
